Resurrection

A New Chapter?

2010-02-06T03:32:00.002+08:00

wow...it has been ages since i last wrote my thoughts here hasn't it...it's been like over a year...and so much has happened in that time...

let's see...i'm no more an undergrad...thankfully..fully graduated with 1st class honors in actuarial science from UM...yes..i know...i'm still trying to figure out how i did it too...but already that seems a life time ago...

i survived a whole year (or more i think) without any girl drama what so ever...impressive isn't it?hard to believe i'm sure...but its true...

so where am i now?

nope...not working yet...n nope..no longer in malaysia...i m sitting in the UK doing a postgrad diploma...soon to be followed by my masters...both in actuarial science...

do i have a girlfriend...well...no...not exactly...but that's a story for another post...

have i changed?

well...sadly, or maybe even fortunately, no..i'm still the same guy..the same jack ass...the same as i have always been...

now having said that...and knowing now the fact that i m in the UK..one can probably imagine the number of escapades and adventures i hv had here...but again, thats for another post...

and its precisely because of all these stories that i hv decided to start writing again...so keep an eye out...and as time allows i shall post up all the stories...:)

Day 2

2008-12-11T18:41:00.002+08:00

Lenggong - Pulau Banding, Belum Rainforest Reserve

pulau banding is this tiny island in the middle of lake temenggor...still in perak...belum forest reserve has been there for ages...but the resort they are building there now is only jst in its starting phases...so there really is much to do there if ur on a budget...even the cheapest thing to do costed rm50 per person...and all we did was ride in a boat around the island n go see a raffelesia...it was a beautiful forest and lake...n it was well worth d rm50 spent...

the view of the lake from the resort

view of the lake

raffelesia

after the tour we returned to the room to just chill in the afternoon cz it was getting really hot...later in the evening when the sun was kinda going down, we made our way to the orang asli settlement near the resort...nobody actually lives there..it is the site where 3 local heroes who worked for the british army used to stay when they battling the communist threat..

house

dinner area

trail leading to and away from the settlement

n again...day 3 will be continued at another time...hehe...tmr i leave for penang for yet another holiday!!!!:D

East Coast Road Trip with Mum I

2008-12-10T18:22:00.005+08:00

Day 1 : Ipoh to Lenggong

in case ur wondering y we chose to go to lenggong...its cause thats where the perak man was found...apparently he was the earliest remains found of a person with a genetic defect...he himself wasnt really that interesting...but the rest of the stuff there i found really cool...like for example he stone toolls they used to carve their hunting weapons with...and the clay pots n cooking utensils they used then that we still use today in the absence of electric blenders...

some of the rocks on display

the clay pots n bowls used back then

the view of tasik raban from the resort we stayed in (it was really really crappy)

lata kekabu...a waterfall near the tasik

Day 2 will come in the next post....at least that gives me a few posts worth of writing...lol

Hope

2008-11-07T17:41:00.002+08:00

this year has been a year of hope in so many ways...

March 8th Malaysians all around showed that there was still HOPE for this country...hope that it could change...hope that it would change...n that day the politcal landscape of malaysia at least was changed forever...

November 4th Americans showed the whole world that there was still HOPE for change when they voted for Obama as the 44th president of the United States...n in his speech..he spoke of change n of hope...n even though he addressed the nation of america, the people of the world listened and heard him...

n they started to hope again as well...

November 7th as if in response to the hope of billions renewed jst a few days back, Malaysian Judge Syed Ahmad Helmy Syed Ahmad gave new hope to all Malaysians by freeing our beloved Raja Petra Kamarudin from the detention of the dreaded Internal Security Act...

this Act has never been stood up against...it has been used in the worst of ways...

but now...finally...this brave Malaysian has proven this Act to be not as invincible as people thought...he has given us hope that things can, are, will change...

November 7th Malaysian Judge SM Komathy Suppiah showed Malaysians that she will not stand for people meddling in the justice system..she ordered that Anwar's trial remain in the Sessions Court n not be moved to the high court, which was initiated by a person whose motives were unclear...

she has given us hope...

this year...it hasnt been easy...but at least we have something to hope for...n its not false hope...its a true hope...a genuine hope...one that can become reality...one that is already becoming reality...

What Does It Mean To Be Malaysian

2008-10-30T09:58:00.003+08:00

It means...

nasi lemak for breakfast, banana leaf for lunch and pan mee for dinner...or

roti canai for breakfast, chicken rice for lunch and ramly burger for dinner...or

half-boiled eggs & porridge for breakfast, nasi kunyit rendang ayam for lunch and chapati for dinner...

It means...

never going hungry at 3a.m. thanks to the local mamak stall

It means...

having open houses at all religious festivals...

to see the "malays" and "indians" infesting a "chinese" house during chinese new year...

to see the "malays" and "chinese" infesting an "indian" house during deepavali...

to see the "chinese" and "indians" infesting a "malay" house during hari raya...

It means...

growing up with alan chan as my left neighbour and ahmad zaki as my right right neighbour...

running around with them in the field after school without bothering what colour their skin is...

It means...

having learnt english and bahasa malaysia in school...

yet my everyday sentences are filled with faitit, kaotim, sapede, tani, giddah, chakde and many others...

It means...

having a brotherhood that would kill and die for each other...

but is made up of "indians", "chinese" and "bidayuhs"...

It means...

standing together as one nation during elections to shout out loud in a voice by the actions of...

a "malay" voting for a "chinese", a "chinese" voting for an "indian" and an "indian" voting for a "malay"...

It means...

a "chinese" girl in a baju kebaya, a "malay" girl in a punjabi suit and an "indian" girl in a cheongsam...

a "chinese" dude in a jippa, a "malay" dude in a samfu and an "indian" dude in a baju melayu...

It means...

choosing to die for MALAYSIA...

not CHINA or INDIA or MALAYA...but MALAYSIA...

I was born in this blessed country...i was raised in this country...n i love this country...sure its not perfect...but can u tell me which country really is perfect?

"the perfect person does not exist and neither does the perfect nation. all that exists are perfect intentions"

p/s: all the races are in " " because in actual essence they are all Malaysian but are unfortunately classified by the home country of their ancestors...

Shut Down

2008-08-13T18:46:00.002+08:00

this blog has been a place for me to post some of my most intimate thoughts...my views...my depression times...jst basicly my rants...

but lately i've been happy...no more drama in my life...n i plan to keep it dat way...

so as long as there is no more drama in my life...i really dun have much to post on...

as such...im temporarily shutting down my blog...

at least during this period of calm...before the next storm hits...n hit it will...sooner or later :)

Getting A Move Along

2008-07-21T17:23:00.002+08:00

things are slowly moving on....getting adjusted to the new semester....time to start sitting down n doing sum work...

a lil update on things dat have been going on...

spent fri nite the the guys...pity not everyone could make it...but i had a great time nonetheless...it was really good...jst chilling...drinking with guys...playing pool and catching up with them...jst nice and easy u noe...we gotta do it again sum time soon....:D

then saturday took my sis to borneo ink to get her tattoo done...n surprise surprise i got another small piece to balance off my rat tattoo on my right shoulder...got the word karma in tibetan on my left shoulder....same colour as the rat tattoo...

sunday i spent it attending a basics to motorbikes course...yeah...finally getting my license for the big bikes...unfortunate actually getting the bike is gonna have to wait cz apparently my mum is dead against me getting those cruiser bikes or any bikes for that matter while im still studying...which sucks...all these prejudices against bikers that they have against these small bikes is getting in d way of me actually getting my big bike...sigh...

well...dats abt it....

Time And Strength

2008-07-17T09:09:00.002+08:00

d more time passes by...the stronger u get...

sumtimes u get strong enough that u believe if u cud go bk in time n fight a particular battle u lost before...then maybe at ur current strength u cud win d battle...not mayb...u noe u wud wni the battle...

but then again...time is a one way street...

whats past is past...it cant come bk...it wont come bk...so there really is no point looking bk is there?

oh well....

So Much For Updating

2008-07-10T17:34:00.002+08:00

haha...yes yes i noe i sed i'd update n put pictures n all dat...but all of us are fully aware of wut an absolute lazy bum i am...

having sed dat...even though i took a lot of pics on my travels im jst too bloody lazy to upload ANY of them...yes...dats how bloody lazy i am...

so 1st off i went to melaka for fiesta st pedro...its a portugese festival...but dats not all we did...we also went to jonker street...the pink church and the fort next to it as well as the ship museum...n finally at nite we went to the festival...

overall...as a 2d1n trip...we did loads and i had loads of fun n brought back loads of memories...incl of course rubens mums cooking...dat was by far the best dish we had in melaka...although the portugese food and the baba n nyonya food were pretty damn good as well...though hugo n rushir din really share our feelings...hehe

next up was pulai springs, johor...was there on a job under an even management company...now even though i say it was a job...it really was more like a paid holiday for us...transport was provided...so was accommodation in suites that fit 4 ppl in each suite and they din stuff extra ppl in the suites...oh...did i mention we also had buffet breakfast,lunch n dinner?

we got to wake up relatively late considering we were working...n also slept relatively early....i mean like sleep by 12+ 1...wake up arnd 8+...of course we did sum work...put up sum canopies...manned a few games stalls during the 2nd afternoon team building games...carry sum stuff here n there....

but we also got to relax and enjoy as well as even swim in d pool...where thanks to varuns persuasion, i tried the twirly twirly slide...all went well until the twirly part came and...yup...u guessed it...my fat ass got stuck...roflol...but it was still a good experience....gotta lose sum weight now...haha

n now its bk to uni...final year...got sum interestin lecturers...sum interesting subjects...but part of me just isnt 100% sure if this really is d course for me...but until i can figure sumthing else out...ill jst stick to it n follow the path...

well...dats all for now...

The Box

2008-06-25T00:32:00.004+08:00

was going through some old stuff just now...looking for my old affirmation booklet from my prefects camp bk in form 6....its been a day of nostalgia for me...spent d day at school catching up with my teachers then at nite met 2 old frens whom i havent seen in a really long time...

so yeah...bk to where i was....was looking for my old affirmation booklet from the prefects camp...

thats when i came across something else...

in the search of my memories of old, i found other remnants and other memories...

i opened the box...the booklet was at d top...i took it out...n then looked bk...

the hand towel i borrowed once long ago...it still had her smell...

the pizza hut mix n match leaflet....with a smiley face drawn into it and a note at the bottom...

i should have stopped....

the picture frame with a picture of us jst before the school drama...both smiling happily...the boy in dat picture bears no resemblance to the person staring at it now...2 completely different people...

the four and a half jars of different coloured little folded pieces of paper...

i reached for it...

n then pulled bk....the wounds were already threatening to re-open....

so i quickly closed the box...n pushed it away...bk into its hiding place where it could tempt n hurt me no more...

will i ever be able to look at d contents of dat box again?will i be able to stay steady?do i even want stay steady?do i even want to look at d contents again?

god alone noes...

for now i shall focus on the affirmation booklet...n bury those forbidden thoughts deep into d abyss at the back of my mind...

A Cynic

2008-06-23T08:05:00.002+08:00

i woke up yesterday n realized that its exactly what i've become...

a cynic....no more n no less...

after all d failed attempt n failed relationships...after all the shit i see happening around me....i've come to believe that there is no love....there is no happily ever after....no romance....no chivalry...nothing...

well....in my case anyway....

n if anyone comes up to me and says "there is sum1 out there for all us..." i'm going to tell them "yes...there is sum1 for all of us out there...jst sum of those 'sum1's have moved on from this world before their other half could meet them...

love is a chemical reaction in ur brain....its jst an imagination...a hope...something to keep u thinking happy thoughts....its like a drug...n most people are addicted to it....don't believe me?

what happens to a junkie when u take away his drugs?

he gets angry...he gets upset....slowly he slips into depression and insanity....he hurts himself or others physically to divert his attention n restlessness....

sound familiar?

love is a drug....probably the most evil drug ever to exist among humans...simply because its the one drug that every single human being gets addicted to...whether they like it or not...

except the cynics....who have been through d roller coaster ride soo many times n been hurt so many n have hurt soo many times that finally put all their will n might into kicking the addiction...cz they no longer believe the drug works...or more like they no longer believe the happiness they get during the high is worth the pain n suffering they have to endure when its taken away from them...

so im joining their ranks...

there is only so much u can fight....only so much u can put your heart out there for.....it just doesnt seem like its worth it anymore...

"if u take yourself out of the game,at least you don't have to worry about getting your heart hurt or broken." - 'what happens in vegas'

The Peoples King

2008-06-06T08:34:00.001+08:00

tommorow is the Kings birthday....read a blog...and i've seen the King stretch his muscles in the recent months...the blog is rite...His Majesty Tuanku Mizan is truly the Peoples King..

read it here

The Journey

2008-05-23T22:43:00.002+08:00

it started with a small meeting of seemingly random ppl and personalities...1 small fateful mmsg that led to a meaningful mamak session...full of hope...the birth of a "dream team"...this was more than a year ago...

then there was elections...n the uncertainty of the outcome...a sleepover at an apartment...all cracking their heads and helping each other out get ready for the next days interviews...all waiting for him to gv us sum good news..

he walked through the apt door wet...or at least we knew he had been soaked cz he changed his tshirt...it was a good sign..the leader had passed

the interviews came and went...we all passed...

the dream team had become a reality...not jst mere mamak table discussion...

then came planning....in the midst of exams...

exams ended with a booze party...which was d nite before we became the interviewers for the ppl that were to work with us...stoned...wired on all the things that cud keep us awake...we made it through...with loads of laughter...

the bond was growing stronger...

the team was expanded to those that would join us in our journey...a bonding session at a home...

then came a fair...n wrapping roses at a house...again...laughter and good times...the bond kept growing stronger...

then a camp...a camp with drama...the 1st test.....

the bond was shaky but still strong...the roles of each was decided...

then another camp...with a lot of tears...and the group was strongly bonded....all ready to face the coming year...

but not without its own drama that threatened the bonds between...

the 1st blow...1 left our ranks...

more planning...looong loooooooooong nights extending for almost 2 weeks...our 1st fall...

but the bonding in the 2 weeks was stronger...so we survived...

things went well...

then another left our ranks...

then another....

and another....

and 2 more....

crippled...but we crawled on....things were getting shaky...

another drama....things were staring to fall apart...

a weekend retreat...a glimmer of hope...we mite still make it through...

another camp...revived hopes....recharged....the half way mark...."only 6 months to go"..

why the change in mentality?

we came bk....looking forward...an jst when we thought we could do it with the ppl that helped us make the decisions...

another left our ranks...

then a booze party that spelt good news for some...but not so good news for the dream team...

things jst weren't the same...

ppl kept silent for many months now....wut happened to the openness from the first fall?

disrespect...

and 1 called for a break...

then another...

the 1st came bk...to finish the job...

the 2nd came bk...but not quite...

then the new team that would replace us was selected...

and after a long transition....they are in power...

our journey has ended...

the dream team has had its run...

wut happens now as they stand at the crossroads...

will there be meet ups and drinks and laughter again?

something tells me its not so ideal a happy ending for this dream team...

MAFU

2008-05-18T10:30:00.004+08:00

yes...its been a really long time since i blogged cause i've been busy with exams and my internship...came across this in facebook....it struck a cord in me...i've linked them at the side here...placed even before my picture n profile which has always been 1st in my blog side bar...

here is a bigger version of the link and the video...

u noe why it struck a cord with me?

simple...

i was BORN in malaysia
i was RAISED in malaysia
i have traveled across the world
but malaysia will always be my HOME

I AM A MALAYSIAN

i m not an indian or a melayu or a chinese.

no other country in the world can be my home...no other country in the world i would die for...

yes...we're a young and imperfect nation compared to the other superpowers in the world...

but we ARE a NATION nonetheless.

Just a Thought

2008-04-22T22:18:00.002+08:00

"When the whole world is against you,
when all your enemies are coming down on you,

and you find yourself backed up against the wall,
and you find you have buckled,
and you find yourself on your knees,

just remember one thing,

you are in the perfect position to PRAY,
you are in the perfect position to SPEAK TO GOD,

and remember that GOD answers ALL prayers,
just not always in the way we expect it"

-Unknown

"If you ask God for courage,
does he give you courage?

or an opportunity to be courageous?"

-Morgan Freeman in Evan Almighty

just a few thoughts :D

Religion

2008-04-19T14:11:00.004+08:00

disclaimer : again...these are my views...u do not have to agree with them n if u post nasty comments i don't have to approve them...so be nice...if u hv nth nice to say, dont say nething at all..

religion...its such a precarious subject...so fragile...so sensitive...its the only thing in d world dat people will actually kill for...nothing in the world can divide human beings in a more clear cut n serious manner...not even racial ethnicities or gender for that matter...

religion divides human beings while spirituality unites them.

bold statement i noe...but its a fact...lets take a look at how religion divides human beings...1stly the world is divided into mainly the eastern n the western religions...the eastern religions have many deities and gods...theses include hindhuism, buddhism, the japanese believe structure (not sure wut its called...n no,its not bushido, dats a code of ethics so to speak)...then u have sikhism which believes there is only 1 true god...which is d same as the believe of the modern western religions whose followers are known as people of the book...the jews,the muslims and the christians....

lets jst for arguments sake bring in the ancient western religions as well...the greek and roman gods....the egyptian believe structure...the whole lot...now the biggest bone of contention is this :

"the old religions say there are many gods but the newer religions say there is only 1"

lets take a short look at the older religions statement...wut makes a god?to them (both ancient western and eastern religions), a god is sum1 who is immortal...who has special abilities that can affect the world and the people living in it...so they say there are many gods based on this definition...but even among their gods, there is always 1 that stands higher above the rest...the so called king of the gods...like zues for example...

now lets review the newer religions statement...there is only one god...one who created the heavens n the earth n hell n everything in between...but...he (for the context of this entry, god is a he..but a black he :P) had help creating n running the world....ok mayb not creating...but definitely running...wut do u think angels are there for?

now wut are angels in the new religions?

immortals who live forever with special abilities that can affect the world and the people living in it...each given powers by god to do certain tasks...

think of hades, the god of the underworld, and lucifer,the fallen angel that rules over hell...is there really that big a difference?thats jst one example...but u do see where im heading rite?

bingo...the many deities and gods of the olden religions merely got their ranks reclassified when they moved into the new religions...kinda like calling a data entry clerk a manager of information systems...jst a different name but the job scope n everything is the same...

now if u really look at the religions...old and new...they all speak a similar msg...yes the language and wordings are slightly different (n its these small differences that people kill each other over) but the message is the same...n that is how to live ur life as a good decent human being...n wut will happen should u choose to be a horrible excuse for a human being...kinda like a guideline...like a guidebook to life...

so now u have all the religions fighting each other for supreme control...the muslims say that u must be muslim to go to heaven...the christians say that christ is d only way to heaven...the jews im not so sure...the hindhus, buddhists, sikhs and the rest r just sitting there quietly...we dont care if u join our believe...jst dun force us to join urs...n mind u...u cant convert into a sikh...cz if u read the Guru Granth Sahib it clearly states that u r not to change ur religion...that if god put u on earth as a christian,muslim,sikh etc....then that is exactly wut he meant u to be...

now before u go out there n kill for ur religion that u believe to be completely and undeniably the one only truth...here a small fact to ponder upon...

u r fully aware that god kept sending down people to deliver the msg he wanted to humans rite?there was abraham,moses,jesus,muahamad,buddha,dalai lama,guru nanak till guru gobind...thats a lot of people he sent down...u noe y?

BECAUSE PEOPLE KEPT FUCKING THE MESSAGE UP!!!

bingo!!!god spoke...but god didnt write...humans did that...n we all noe how communication works...sum idiot along the line who thinks wut he is hearing doesnt sound rite will edit it to make it sound rite and then pass it along...n the process continues throughout the entire production line...

i been writing a lot havent i?well...jst one last short story i came across while i was studying german literature in switzerland....this is a translated and shortened version...but i've tried to maintain as much of the message as i could...

so there was this wise christian named alexander the wise (literal translation from alexander der wiess)...he was called to entertain the sultan in the province he was traveling in one day...the sultan obviously being a muslim...so he went...n the sultan asked him "whose religion is better?urs or mine?"

now alex (im too lazy to type out the full name) knew that if he said it was his religion,the sultan would be offended n it mite not bode well for him...n also knew if he sed that the sultans religion was better, the sultan would ask him to convert n he would not be able to say no after agreeing that islam is better than christianity...so he replied the sultan with a story of a family...the story goes smth like this..

there was once a man who owned a gold ring...it was a flawless gold ring like no other...when he passed away he gave it to his only son...his son kept it till the day he died and gave it to his only son in turn....n this succession continued for many generations...until one father had 3 sons...

now the father loved all 3 sons equally...n he cud not decide which of the 3 sons to gv the ring to...so he went to gold smith and asked the gold smith to create 2 identical rings so that there would be 3 in total and all his sons could get one...n it worked...the father passed away n all 3 sons got a ring...

soon the sons found out what the father had done...they were angry and they fought each other because all of them believed that they had the real original ring that had been passed down from generation to generation...so they finally went to a gold smith to find out which was the real ring...but the gold smith could not tell them apart...so they went to another gold smith n even he could not tell them apart...

no one..not the brothers themselves nor any gold smith or person could tell the 3 rings apart...but the brothers were obsessed about being the holder of the true ring, or what they believed to be the true ring, that they continued to fight and bicker and in the end they ended up dying at each others hands...bitter n angry....

none of them could see that what their father was really trying to tell them by doing that was that he loved them all equally and that they should love each other and their children all equally...the message was misread and it ended in catastrophe and tragedy...

the father was god and the rings were the religions....

Back Home

2008-04-13T19:27:00.002+08:00

i have made a few drafts on how i feel rite now...n a few drafts over the past week or so abt the things going on in my life...however due to privacy issues, i cant publish those entries...

lets see...2 weeks ago i went to get my 2nd tattoo...finally...n im already thinking of my 3rd...will post up a pic of my 2nd piece as soon as i can get it uploaded....other than that...everything else that has happened has to be kept private...n hence i cant blog abt it...suffice to say that sum of it was good...n sum of it was bad....but all i can say is that its over...u live n u learn...shall stay away from those kinda situations in d future...

n now im back home in ipoh....for d 1st timein like 2 months plus...came bk yest...jst chilled....then today went to the waterfalls with my mum, dad n sis...it was really great...we started off d morning by going to temple (yes...i went to temple) cz tmr is vasakhi n they were raising the nishan sahib today...so we were there for that...

then we came home...cooked nasi lemak with chicken sambal and taufu sambal (my mum is a vegetarian)...then packed the car n drove up to the waterfalls at meru...it was the 1st time we went there....its a natural waterfall in the golf club compound...so only members can get there...it was quite exclusive...we were the only ones there...the water was so clear n beautiful...but cold...

it was really nice spending time together with my family...too bad my bro couldnt make it down...n its really really nice to see how my parents interact with eact other...almost 30 years n 3 kids later n they still like a teen lovers...its so cute really...=D

well..thats abt all for now...tmr is off day for me...shall be heading bk to kl...n then on tues its bk to the craziness....oh well...

ciaoz

Updates

2008-03-25T09:09:00.000+08:00

its been very long since i updated my blog...mainly cause i've been busy as hell lately with internship and aiesec n a lot of other things...cant write much now either...waiting for my supervisor to come into work...

went for ruums all u can drink party the other nite...it was amazing...n definitely worth my money....i really had a great time there...got home at abt 5 smth in d morning...had a bath ironed my clothes n went for elections...

aiesec elections were surprising to say the least...but too much to write n no time now....

there are good things happening in my life rite now..things that make me really happy...and also bad things happening...things dat make me really sad....

so im really messed up rite now...

but dun worry...i'll be fine in no time....jst need to clear my head....:D

gotta run...supervisor coming in finally...:)

Single Vs. Taken

2008-03-12T14:00:00.002+08:00

in case ur wondering y i can suddenly post a blog entry in d middle of d day in d middle of d week...its not cz im using working hours to do this...i jst so happen to have woken up with a bad bout of diarrhea...n hence i did not go to work...obviously...

so my completely and utterly random topic for today is singlehood vs being in a relationship...yes...im aware that is not the exact topic...but u get my drift...:P

y did i suddenly think of this?well...its been nagging at me for quite sum time...its no secret that i'm single n available....its also no secret that i have tried for a few girls from various races n failed miserably...but its also no secret that i was in a beautiful relationship for 2 1/2 years that ended due to my dads intervention....

now i'm single...n i'm happy being single...really...i m...i have a great time...i go to work..i come home...i chill...on d weekends i go out with my mates for sum pool n drinks...i hang out with my sis n housemate in shopping malls n stuff like dat...its great...its pure independence...i can say wut i want n do wut i want how i want n when i want...cz lets face it...there isnt another person that i have to think abt thats gonna be worried abt me or anything like dat...its beautiful...

now to d bad side...jst cz i'm single...doesnt mean the people arnd me are all single as well...a few of them have their significant other...their boyfriends and their girlfriends...n i see them...n at times it kinda sucks...cz well...they're all lovey dovey n all dat shit n im there n i cant really run anywhere anyway...but it does make me think sumtimes...how much i really do miss that companionship...n being in a relationship...

being in a relationship i assure u...is blissful...seriously...the companionship u get from that one significant other is amazing...its jst having this one person that well...understands u...n accepts u...n no matter how bad things get...they'll always be there right by ur side...n they'll always noe exactly the right thing to say at exactly the right time to lift ur spirits up even when ur at d lowest point in ur life....

but...it comes at a price...1stly...u dun have dat independence anymore...everything u do...everything u say....u have to remember that ur not the only one that will have to face the consequences...ur significant other will oso have to face the consequences...which ends up impairing d ability to do all the crazy shit u can n most probably will do while ur single...

the other price is the most dreadful...n this ur mates will pay....not u...n i've noticed it with all my mates...things change 180 degrees once they r in a relationship...i don't see them as often anymore...they r always with their girlfriends...n i dunno if its them or if its the girlfriend tying a rope around their necks...but its jst sad...more often than not when u call them out their replies are standard..."cant lah...going to gf place"..."cant lah...out with gf now"..."cant lah...ade made plans with her"...or.."too tired lah...jst came bk from her place"....u get d picture rite?

so which begs the question...me being happy abt my singlehood now n all...if the rite girl came along...would i really wanna get into a relationship with her?would i in turn end up like my mates now are with a collar arnd their necks?or does it depend on d girl?

of course...in the end...no one can actually answer my questions...d single ones are gonna tell me how great it is to be single...n d taken ones are gonna tell me how great it is to be in a relationship...which kinda doesnt help at all...lol

The Dawn Of A New Era

2008-03-09T20:20:00.002+08:00

the title relates to more than one thing....

firstly obviously...was the amazing,awesome and very satisfactory results of the 12th malaysian general elections....where the ruling coalition was finally denied a 2/3 majority....which means they cant do wutever they hell they want anymore...they need the oppositions approval before they can push anything through in parliament...d indians completely deserted the ruling coalition...MIC only won 3 parliamentary seats...n d opposition indian army grew from 2 to 20!!!now thats wut i'm talking abt man...

secondly...is well...my internship...kinda a new era for me so to speak...1st time working experience...being an auditor for pwc...kononnya auditor lah...lol...but its a good experience...although its got nth at all to do with my major...im learning things i otherwise would nvr learn abt....n i have a new found respect for auditors...the amount of work they do...jst to ensure accountability n to ensure companies actually stay afloat...its amazing...n the amount of number crunching dats involved...its unbelievable....

finally...i've had a good weekend....a relaxing friday nite...a chilled saturday...a good pool outing with the guys...n watching elections results on tv...n smth else that has put a perpetual smile on my face the whole weekend....my housemates cant believe im smiling this much...the people involved should noe wut its abt...;p....

well...i'm signing off now...will probably only post again next weekend...:D

Freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeed0m!!!!

2008-03-02T21:00:00.002+08:00

hahahahahahahahaha....yeah...i'm abit on d crazy side now....well...more than i usually am lah....lol

been in lockdown mode for a whole freaking week cz of my finals....n it finally ended on friday....i have officially finished my 3rd year of university....

unfortunately...i do not have holidays from now till july....instead i have my internship starting tmr at PWC that goes all the way till 20th june...kinda excited n scared at d same time...

anyways....d point of this post is abt my freeeeeeeeeed0m~~~~~~=D

so wut did i do to celebrate?

went out for pool on friday night...ended up in sanctuary after dat...had shit loads of beer...finally reached home arnd 4 in d morning...it was absolutely great...4 indian guys n 1 chinese dude at 1 table in a club that was 95% filled with chinese....lol...d dj was excellent....the music was perfect...n all of us were dancing the whole night long...yes...i danced...it was great...i had a wonderful time...:D

then yest night i went out with all the punjabi guys....ppl i havent met in ages...we went to this punjabi club called shararas...no idea if thats how its spelt...but before that...we went to the "dobi" shop and bought 1 bottle of famous grouse n 1 bottle of black label...we went to prems place and finished the famous grouse in less than 30 minutes....then we took d black label to shararas n paid corkage for it....finished that in abt 1 hour...then hugo,rushir n aman joined us there....n we opened a bottle of chivas there...so basicly 6 guys finished 2 litres of whiskey n then we were joined by another 3 n d 9 of us finished yet another bottle of whiskey...so u can imagine how high we were...n how hilarious the whole thing was...finally got home close to 5am...then hit d bed

woke up still feeling d buzz....now dat was a good feeling to have 1st thing when u wake up man....then went for lunch with bro n sis n tracy n terence...then to one utama to watch jumper with them...n then a lil bit of shopping...my god...this chink chick....bloody hell...usually chink dun have any ass...n even if they do...thats all they have...but this chick...she had ass man...really really nice ass...with really really hot slender legs that lead up to that hot ass....n she was beautiful....damn....thats like a once in a lifetime thing man...that ass...those legs....that face....drooollz~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

anyways...i guess thats it for now...need to get ready for tmr....thanx to everyone who made my weekend a great one...:D

Forgive Me

2008-02-28T06:53:00.003+08:00

i listened to this song after a loooong time...n suddenly the words meant so much more...n the pain was so much more real...it goes out to one person n one person only...i believe u noe who u r...:)

Title: Lifehouse - Blind lyrics

I was young but I wasn't naive
I watched helpless as he turned around to leave
and still I have the pain I have to carry
a past so deep that even you could not bury if you tried

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

I would fall asleep
only in hopes of dreaming
that everything would be like is was before
but nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
they disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

after all this time
I never thought we'd be here
never thought we'd be here
when my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me died when I let you go

after all this time
would you ever wanna leave it
maybe you could not believe it
that my love for you was blind
but I couldn't make you see it
couldn't make you see it
that I loved you more than you will ever know
a part of me died when I let you go
and I loved you more than you'll ever know
a part of me dies when I let you go
----------------------------------------------
everything fits xcept d 2nd line of the 1st verse for it was me who left...

im sorry for the pain...im sorry for leaving when u needed me most...im sorry for not fighting harder for us....im sorry for not being more than i should have been...

"a part of me died when i let u go"
its true....in fact...more than a part of me died...u were my 1st...n will always be my 1st...no matter where i go...no matter what i do...the memories will always be with me...

but now...i have to move forward...n i think i finally mite b able to do that...after 2 long years....i think its time...

im sorry.

A New Face

2008-02-11T08:19:00.000+08:00

finally modded my laptop....finally managed to upload d pics to my laptop...now im posting them here for d world(read:few lost souls who actually visit this site) to see...:D

p/s: yes....i changed my blog layout to PINK...jst for d fun of it....roflol

For The First Time

2008-02-05T22:37:00.000+08:00

call it an epiphany or wut ever u wan...

but for the first time in almost over a year...im thinking straight again...i got my head screwed on d right way around...

this comes from lots of late nite chats with ruben...with varun...with my sis...with tracy...

comes from a lot of whacks on d head...sum quite painful ones...sum very metaphorical whacks...dat actually hurt more than d physical ones...

but it was all worth it...

things are so much clearer now...

realizing how really wrong it would have been....

i actually sed thank u to 2 ppl...they had a good laugh..lol

realizing how in sum situation i had unwittingly compromised my own principles...n stepped over boundaries that i nvr should have....

realizing that sometimes...
...u gotta jst be who u are...do ur part...n shut out d rest...
...its best to jst not care...
...people are fake cz they are actually afraid
...people who know u best actually know whats best for u
...my sis n tracy make a lot of sense
...age and a wide worldview can make all d difference
...n most of d time there is all the difference in d world between a girl n a woman
...brothers are there for a reason...n not always good reasons...
...people change...themselves...their mindsets...their principles...their ideals
...it actually is better to have NOT loved at all than to have loved n lost
...it is better to have loved n lost than not loved at all
...it is better to surround urself with true friends than bother urself with all the drama of a relationship
...d mind should take control of d heart
...d heart should be allowed to present its case

i m moving forward...

leaving d past in d past...

i tried different roads...different paths...i have traveled the road less taken...n i have traveled the road that many travel on...

i have realized that the road less taken is better...n even better than that is making ur own road...

so for now...i m going bk to d road less traveled...lonely though it may be...there are many more adventures...n some things i jst need to do on my own...

for those who have been worried about me these past couple of weeks...dun worry...i am fine now...i have d right support as i always have had...

if i did not confide in u...do not take it too harshly...i simply only confide in family...as they have seen me through my darkest hours and know what im truly capable of...n certain aspects of me..unless u r family...u will not understand...n u will not be able to accept...thats jst d way life is...

i'll be back on my 2 feet before u noe it...u wont even realize dat i was gone...:)

I Am Worth Sooo Much More

2008-02-02T21:28:00.001+08:00

disclaimer: this is MY experience...it is what I have gone through...if u feel i have implicated u in this post...too bad...take it up with me personally or shut the fuck up...

i have regressed...AIESEC was supposed to have expanded my horizons...it was supposed to have done soo much more for me...as a person...in terms of growth and everything...

dun get me wrong...AIESEC...the idea of it...the organization itself..the goals are good and the visions are solid...

but the people...the so called change agents...its less than ideal...

i spent a year in switzerland...i graduated from high school there...i was who i was...fearless...outspoken...independent of politics and wut other people thought...

but aiesec sucked me bk into high school...cz thats the mentality there...it really is...u aren't judged on how much work u do...or how much u contribute...u r judged on how good u look...if u fit into the "in" crowd or not...u r judged by how well u can play the political games....by how fake u can be...

i have regressed...

i poured my heart n soul into this organization...but wut do i have to show for it?

-pain
-heartache
-trials
-tribulations
-mockeries

my whole life for the past one year or so has been aiesec...the people i go to eat with...the people i drink with...the people i see everyday...n slowly..n steadily...their mindsets effected me...

they made me truly believe that i am less than wut i truly am...they made me believe that malaysian guys are worthless...that we dunno how to do anything rite...that our western counterparts are soo much better...

but how do they noe?

have they lived with them before?have they seen our western counterparts for wut they truly are?

NO...they have not...all they have are little girlish images and visions that are so far from the truth...their visions are about as far from the truth as i am as far away from heaven while sitting on my throne in hell...

but i am finally finding myself again...listening to those who truly noe me...listening to myself again...my voice that has been silenced for oh so long...

I AM WORTH SO MUCH MORE...

i am who i am...im no model...but i aint that bad looking either...i got the looks...n i got the personality...i AM a great guy...n im finally getting back that confidence again...

to the girls who r reading this...who still think so highly of my western counterparts....who think my western counterpart are soo much better than our local boys...

let me tell u this...i was much much more obnoxious than this back in switzerland n i was considered there to b better than the other guys....more gentlemanly than them...n i came bk...n i had to tone down abit...

this is toned down...if u cant even handle me...u really think u got a chance handling them?

wake up...i've learnt my lesson...i'm moving on...i'm moving out of high school again...its about time u people decided to grow up as well...

good bye people

Its Time

2008-02-01T08:56:00.000+08:00

time to take a step back...

i hv pushed passed all of my limits....i hit those limits so long ago....

i surpassed all my limits....meantal...physical...emotional...

it was only a matter of time...

but when it happened...even i didn't see it coming...

1 minute i was standing...whole...

the next i had broken...burnt out...worn out...

there is only so far so u can push pass your limits...

to those that are taking up the slack for me...i apologize...i sincerely do...but i really need to take a step back...

to collect myself...

to put myself back together...

to gather my focuses...

to get back on track...

the time has come....i'm taking control...n i'm taking a step back.

Current Addictions

2008-01-31T07:26:00.000+08:00

currently addicted to these 3 songs....such nice songs...with such strong n meaningful lyrics...especially to me...especially now...

Yellowcard Lyrics

Sofia Loell - Utopia Lyrics

Simple Plan When I'm Gone Lyrics

1 Year and Counting

2008-01-23T21:11:00.000+08:00

the past few weeks have been busy as hell...the sem is flying by sooooo damn fast...every week now is filled wv midsem tests n assignments...

but the past few days have been good...a lot of drinking...a lot of bonding...a lot of showing my true colours...n a lot of revelations...things i hv forgotten...things dat slowly remind me of who i am n y certain things are the way they are...

revelation/remembrance no.1
i can not have a girlfriend...its impossible...because no girl will truly understand my brotherhood...n even if she did...she would not b able to accept it...not the lengths to which i go for my brothers...only they noe it...

revelation/remebrance no.2
brothers are brothers for a reason...the blood in our veins mayb different...but the bond is the same....regardless wut happens...ups n downs will always be there...u'll be fine one day...u'll fight the next...u'll wanna whack d shit out of each other...u hurt one another...but at the end of the day...u talk it out...u think it through...n nth can break the bond...

revelation/remembrance no.3
i m not a trusting person...i trust my family n my brothers completely...but i dun trust any1 else with them...n cz they r my brothers...i will say things that need to be said...if it hurts them..its hurting me too...but it needs to be said...

if u r not my family...u will not understand....but i swear to god...i wan nth but their happiness...even if the price of that is my life or my time in hell...i would gladly pay it....n if u ever hurt any of my brothers...be prepared...cz not even god himself can save u from me...

today actually marks me having this blog for 1 whole year...have nvr managed to keep a blog updated frequently enough or for long enough a period to actually reach this moment...so yeah...its great i finally kept an active blog open for a year....below are sum of the more memorable posts from the past year...hehe

Off Loyalties, Trust and True Friends
To My Angels
The Line Went Dead
The Price Of Loyalty
History Repeats Itself
My Take On Heaven and Hell
Guys Are Pathetic
A Haunting
Slipping
Penang and a Clearer Head

yup...all very memorable...some with very funny comments...hehe...neways...thats all for now....ciaoz...

A Good Start

2008-01-06T11:24:00.000+08:00

well...its only been 1 week....but its been a really great week.....

monday was new years eve...which was ablast by itself...all d gang got together in our apt n got pissed drunk n ushered in d new year...and the chinese new year as well....although its still a month away....lol...

wednesday we went to murni...jst ruben,varun,jim n me....all d brothers back together...it feels like home...too long away from them....it jst din feel rite...being together again...its like a reassurance...that no matter wut shit comes this year...they got my back...through all d thick n the thin...

thursday was our 1st aiesec episode...which was absolutely a blast....for d 1st time...i saw n felt...there was no senior aiesecers n no junior aiesecers...it was jst a whole group of aiesecers....the spirit...the togetherness...it was amazing...n dat obviously lead to another great murni yumcha session after episode....for that..THANKS GOAY!!!u mage it possible...:D

then yest we got together...n we went for basketball...jst a few of us...lydia,listya,goay,foocheong,ruben,joshua n me...we played d longest round of basketball we have ever played...it was really a lot of fun...of course today my muscles hurt like hell...but still...it was fun...mite do it again nxt week...:D

overall...it was really great week...n a wonderful start to d new year....so hopefully d rest of d year follows the same trend...:D

A New Year, A New Beginning?

2008-01-02T16:49:00.000+08:00

so 2007 is finally over....along with it came many many memories...n many many good times...

---> getting piss drunk on jims bday
---> all d 7 indians n 1 "indian" guys in d apt d whole nite looong drinking with no inhibitations
---> going for MT interviews stoned
---> all the laughter
---> all the friends
---> natcon
---> kuala selangor
---> birthday celebrations

n along with many many many more trials n tribulations....whatever doesnt kill u only makes u stronger rite?but being on d brink of death n coming bk time n time again is getting very tiring....n its slowly wearing me out...

my results sucked big time this past sem....dropped from 4.0 gpa to 2.94 gpa....cgpa from3.99 to 3.78....

my love life sucks....i tried for 1 punjabi n failed...i tried for a chinese a girl n failed...i tried for another chinese girl n failed again...i tried for d SAME girl (i noe...idiocy) again n guess wut?? I FAILED AGAIN!

i lost a long standing friendship...but that was the price to pay...it was a last resort...i din noe how else to help already....

i learnt that just because u dont like to play politics...doesnt mean u can get away without playing any...sad as it is...

i learnt that betrayal is soooo much easier to come by these days even by those u trust or want to call ur friend than true courage to stick by u n tell u to ur face wut is wrong is to come by...

they say keep ur frens close n ur enemies closer...i say keep ur family n ur "family" close...let the rest of the world burn...n choose ur "family" wisely for it reflects on u...

its been a looong year...n i can only hope that this year is much much better...

a new year...a new sem...a new beginning....but it still d same old emo fool here at Resurrection...

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2008 EVERYONE!!!

Penang Again and a Clearer Head

2007-12-18T01:19:00.000+08:00

so i went to penang again for the weekend....was invited by rene to watch d meteor shower...decided to go...what the hell rite?i din have nething to do in ipoh anyway...

so 1stly...d meteor shower din really work out...there was too much cloud cover (thanx to sum1 i shall not name here but u noe who u r..:P)...but other than that...it was a great trip...penang as usual offered loads of good food...n with rene has host..u cant really go wrong...he knows all the best places...so we basicly spent the whole 2 days plus eating n driving arnd looking for more places to eat...of course....we also spent a huge portion of our time poking goay n lengz...IN A TOTALLY INNOCENT N NON-SEXUAL WAY!!!!i noe most of u noe me too welll n will automatically associate poking with smth dirty...lol..but overall...it was a really great trip...thanx to all that were there that made it great...rene....bee chin...goay...n of course lengz...:D

now abt a d clearer head...had a talk with her abt y things happened the way they did....y she said certain things that gave me hope...n there was a lot of apology going on as well....me apologizing for fucking things up...she apologizing if she had confused me or given me the wrong signals...it basicly ended up with her leaving things up to me...saying that if i wanted her to stay away, she would...n if i could handle being jst friends...that would work for her too....honestly...i have no idea where i stand...part of me says i can stomach being jst her friend...but d other part of me jst crumbles every time i see her or talk to her...

but wut i do noe is this...i aint changing...the year is coming to an end...n i've learnt this year that im happy with who i am...n if that means i meant to be jst a friend to all the girls...then so be it...i aint changing jst to get a girl...n for now...its pretty obvious i aint getting one...im too choosy for my own good...

d majority of my race r either toooo down to earth n go to temple every week or have their noses waaaayyyy high in the air...none of them have a sense of humour that can really make me laugh....n the only girls that do fulfill this smallest of criterias are all not of my race...n all only think of me as a friend...so be it...so for now...

i've cut my heart out n dipped it in liquid nitrogen so that it is frozen....encased it in reinforced granite....locked it a titanium impenetrable safe...thrown d safe to d deepest darkest corner of my soul...n destroyed d key to d safe...so that it cant be mysteriously found by sum random person...but instead d person who really is supposed to have my heart will have to forge a new key to pry my heart out of its hiding place...

i wish dat person all d luck in the world....but until she comes along...im free...im gonna do wut i want...i gonna flirt with anyone n everyone....n i dun care abt the consequences anymore...i've been hurt enough jst cz i was being d nice guy....now im done being the nice guy....so if ur flirting with me...be warned...if u get burned...it aint my problem....

Updates

2007-12-11T19:31:00.000+08:00

damn its been really really busy!!!!

first and MOST IMPORTANT update is.....

I'M AN UNCLE!!!!!!!!!:D:D:D:D:D

dats my nephew!!!isn't he jst sooooo cute??n adorable!!!:D:D:D

other than looking at him n visiting him...have been busy helping out with nlds preparation...

nlds basicly kick started for me on monday...n went all the way up to last sunday(9/12)....it was a really busy n hectic conference...but at d same time...it was amazing to meet up with old n new friends once again....

i wanna thank everybody that helped to make it a success....:D

clown...thank u very much....i noe u have a lot of problems going on in ur life rite now...but u made me smile...u gave me energy again...n i hope i managed to return d favour...my phone is always on if u need me...:)

UMers...esp d juniors...esp lih wey,conrad n fazreen....u guys were all amazing...u did everything we set out to last year but failed...its really inspiring to see how far u all have grown since you all started your journey in AIESEC....hope to c u all around more often in episodes...:)

i think dats all for now....

Slipping

2007-11-25T02:45:00.000+08:00

in n out of consciousness....

in n out of sanity....

in n out of depression....

my mind is a wreck....

my life is a mess....

one minute i'm fine n happy....d next thing i know i'm down n gloomy....

i don't know how much fight i have left in me...sometimes it just seems so much easier to give in to it all....to give up on everything...love, life...just everything.....

i'm sick of crawling on the edges between light n dark....

sick of my mind playing games on me....

sick of facing people....

sick of wearing a stupid mask....

the things that used to be a comfort to me somehow no longer are a comfort...

i shy away from friends....afraid of myself n how i might screw myself over again....

i shy away from family....afraid that i'll be seen as just annoying.....

i shy away from alcohol....afraid of the nightmares it may bring....

i shy away from myself....afraid of my mind n its games....

i shy away from society....afraid that i may end up a shadow among the crowd like d rest of them....

i shy away from life....afraid of what pain it has in store for me next....

the walls are closing in....n the lights are getting dimmer....

how much more fight i have left in me i do not know....

i pray for strength....

i pray for courage....

i pray for faith....

i pray my prayers are answered....for if not...then there is nothing left to fight for....

FREEDOM!!!!....and a job!!!

2007-11-18T17:40:00.000+08:00

thats rite baby!!!!IM FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!whoop-ti-do!!!*starts doing back flips*

i've been slogging so long for these exams it aint funny man.....n im so happy they r over...whether or not i do well this sem...i dont noe...n really dun care nemore...the subjects were murderous n the papers were even more so...now its all in gods hands....im gonna sit bk n enjoy me hols....

i started my hols wv a job.....thats rite ppl...I worked!!unbelievable?believe it...

it was a part time facilitating job....a program done by a group of trainers from learning@vantage for GlaxoSmithKlein for their team building n leadership...it was held in A'Famosa resort...n it was great!!!!

as a faci...my work was actually very minimal...we jst acted as a support for the trainers...help them to do little things here n there...run here n there...but we were left quite free....i managed to learn loads from the games they played and the sessions they had for the GSK employees...it has to be one of the best jobs i've ever heard of....

we got to stay in the A'Famosa Resort....the room was beautiful...with a view of the hills....the food was pretty good....hotel style buffet breakfast n lunch everyday....1st nite was an opening dinner buffet style with free flow booze...

the second nite was amazing....GSK had bought us ticket to enter the Cowboy Town.....we had a buffet dinner there where there was free flow beer....we even got to go watch the parade n fireworks....they even paid for us to watch the 4d haunted house show....

COST
abt rm100 for my toll n petrol to drive there n back as well as my 3 days energy running here n there.

INCOME
shit loads of learning as well as experience of my 1st job...2 nights stay in A'Famosa resort..all those buffet meals n beer...fireworks show n parade tickets....4d haunted house tickets...meeting of new friends...n on top of all that...rm600 facilitators fee n rm200 reimbursement for my costs of driving there n back.

now tell me...isnt dat like one of d best paid jobs a uni student can hope to get???hahahahahaha

A Haunting

2007-11-11T15:54:00.000+08:00

sleepless nights have been my curse....n when sleep does grace me with its presence...its brings along its good friend nightmare...n not just 1 nightmare that ends...but a whole lot of nightmares that keep going over n over again like a broken record...

lies n deceits...an intricate web that has been woven over time...all to give me hope that was never there...like showing a man the light at the end of the tunnel while keeping him trapped in a cage at the darkest corner of the tunnel....

anger...spite...bitterness....depression....all the different heads of the monster called failure...the monster whose only weapon is lies n deceit...n who feeds on the suffering of the his victims...

the lies....

"ur a great guy"

"any girl would be lucky to have a guy like u"

"no one is unattainable"

all from different mouths...all speaking the same message of hope....

n then....

"ur just a friend"

"ur not my type"

from the same mouths that gave the hope above....

it can only mean one thing then cant it?the words above were lies...deceits...

lies and deceits that will haunt the victim...while he sits in his cage that is constantly shrinking...the light can no longer be seen...all that can be seen is the wave of bitterness n the ocean of spite that threatens to consume him while he is trapped....

with nowhere to run...n nowhere to hide...there is nothing he can do....

so engulfed he is...consumed by all the hatred...n finally...the devil in him awakens...for that is the devils place to thrive...hatred n anger n bitterness n spite are all the allies of the devil...no more place for love or happiness or goodness...

the man is lost...

the devil has awoken n taken over.

Now I'm Done

2007-11-09T07:53:00.001+08:00

thats right....

NOW i'm done...

now i'm breaking free...

now its over...its jst soooo over...

no more girls....fullstop...

im locking me heart away once n for all....

its d only way....

i'm done being screwed...

i'm done with all this shit...

its over...

n I"M DONE!!!

Guys Are Pathetic

2007-11-08T11:40:00.000+08:00

discalimer : i realize that i AM a guy n this is pretty much shooting
myself in both feet with 1 bullet..but dats d way life is...

now ur probably wondering y im saying guys r pathetic rite?here is d reason...

we're big n tough n macho n all dat crap...put a person in our path that messes with us n poof...they r gone in an instant..we spare them no quarter...we jst tell them to go screw themselves and be on our way...happy as a kid with his lollipop...its all good...we get rid of the ppl that plague us in an instant...quick n efficient...no problems no qualms...simple as A B C...

however....

put a girl into d equation...n everything changes...i dun mean jst any random girl...i mean a girl we have feelings for...the whole equation changes...now...for some god forsaken reason..we jst CANT for the life of us tell her to go screw herself...we WANT to...but we jst CANT(partially cz we secretly want to be the one that screws her...literally of course no figuratively)...n even if we do manage to tell her to go screw herself...sooner or later..we're bk on d same horse again...figuratively speaking of course...coz girls arent horses...

but yeah...we always manage to get ourselves into the same shit over n over again...even if its not d exact same girl dat we're bending over to get screwed by...its d same type of girl...or d same situation...u know...same shit different day kinda scenario...always...n no guy...n i mean NO guy...not even the smoothest players can break away from this...

its jst pathetic...

Exams

2007-11-06T22:00:00.000+08:00

i hate exams....its like a repetitive cycle of birth n death...u die one day during an exam...only to be born again after that jst to die again in the next exam...its extremely annoying...well...at least for now...IM FREE!!!!

well...that is till next week when my next paper decides to come n haunt me again...like the grim reaper coming for tea...jst dat i dun make tea...well...at least not for the grim reaper...dat wud be like inviting death to stay...

but...until then...i can frolic around like a pansy ass idiot...not dat i m...but im jst saying i could...if i wanted to that is...but instead here i m messing wv my blog....u noe...the usual...adding LINKS...since Angeline complained that i havent linked her here yet...well...now i have...nicely linked her as Sarcastic Angeline...only cz her blogs name is Sarcasm is Beauty...hehe

n tmr is deepavali...or is it the next day?...oh well...smth like dat...basicly its a perfect excuse to drink...n with a party at my sister in laws parents house tmr nite...followed by a party at my cousins house on fri nite...dats a whole lot of drinking!!!wooooo-hooooo!!!!

well....i guess dats all for now....maybe ill tinker more tmr...got a couple of other add-ons suggested by angeline....if i see fit...haha...

tata...:D

Er...

2007-10-26T13:27:00.000+08:00

read kennysia's blog and nicole's blog...it got me thinking...actually...more than those 2 got me thinking lah...

prisons are built to keep ppl in...but how do u keep ppl out?

i built a prison to keep myself in sum time ago...so as not to get hurt again...but im learning that while i keep myself locked up...ppl can still get in...n that they are doing...

live like ur going to die tmr and love like u've nvr been hurt...but how do u love like u've nvr been hurt?

if u've been hurt before...how do u really put aside all that hurt n jst jump again?i dont noe if i can do it...i dont noe if i shud...at this point...ruben...and im guessing aaron are already ready to give me really huge whacks in d back of my head...

but how do u noe when to jump and when not to jump...when to walk away n when to stand n fight?

those 2 blogs up there make it sound easy...jst sum tips here n there...but does it really work?is that really wut guys n girls think?

im still happy...but things that happen jst get me thinking...n i've always been the one that thinks to deeply into things...n it usually is nvr a good thing....

AMAN 2007

2007-10-23T17:59:00.000+08:00

sat nite was AMAN 2007...it was AIESEC Malaysia Awards Night...n it was a black tie event...u noe wut that means rite?bingo!!all d girls were dresses to kill...n that they certainly were...d night was good n fun...n after dat we went to asian heritage row for clubbing...n then to devis for supper...we only ended up reaching home arnd 5am...it was absolutely great...n of course..pictures!!hehe

thats me in ma white suit..:)

julie,me n bee chin

the lovely hot ladies of LCUM

me n rene

me,ruben,laygeen,nadine,listya,rene,goay n jasmine

alif n lia performing

LCUMs arrival..rene is missing sumwhere

kevin,me,daryl n foo cheong

random picture

yeah...sum of d pics i aint in d white nemore cz i change after d event was over to jeans for clubbing...hehe

Woo-Hoo!!!

2007-10-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

hehe...yes yes...m still in happy happy mode...esp since my mum is down this week...went shopping...bought loads of stuff...padini having sales...so i got 2 shirts n 2 t-shirts at 50% off...love them...seriously love them...dats d great thing abt having mum here...she takes care of everything...hehe...:D

n d reason my mum is down?its coz im an UNCLE!!!haha...1st nephew on my mum side jst came into d world not too long ago....n my cousin is down with her newborn son...so mums down to c d baby n help her out...n since im d driver...i get to c d baby too!!!n they actually let me hold him...hehe

dammit...wanted to post pics of little arman musa...but blogger acting up so i cant...oh well...next time i guess...

lets see...besides that...went to kuala selangor with rene,ruben,goay,nadine,lisum n laygeen on monday...stayed d nite there...n since tuesday was nadines bday...we got her cake...n celebrated there...again...blogger acting up...cant post pics...but u can go to youtube n look for user luciferloki84 n enjoy d videos...

overall the trip to kuala selangor was absolutely excellent...it was great bonding time...i had loads of fun...even when we were doing work it was actually fun...not boring n mundane like how it tends to get after sum time when we do it here in kl...haha

n tmr nite is AMAN...all d unis aiesecers will be getting together...gonna be fun seeing all my old long lost frens again...really looking forward to it...hehe

Tagged

2007-10-14T11:30:00.000+08:00

Seven things to be done before my death.
1) have a family
2) buy my slk200k
3) finish my tattoos
4) get my dream job
5) own an island i can use as a getaway to die peacefully...hehe
6)
7)

Seven things I will not do even if it kills me.
1) betray family
2) ruin familys rep
3) Backstabing
4) eat worms
5) simply jump into a rship
6) no idea
7) no idea

Seven things I do when I'm away from the public.
1) if i do it away from public means i dun wan ne1 to noe...so y would i put it here??

Seven fave sentences/quotes/expressions
1) what the fuck??
2) tiu nia mah
3) huh?
4) rite...
5) im soooo gonna whoop ur ass
6) r u ok ah??
7)

Seven songs
1) how far we've come
2) bleed it out
3) everyday
4) everything
5) if ur gone
6) mungkin
7) first time

Seven things I'll make you wish you didn't do if you did.
1) betray me
2) screw my family over
3) mistaking my kindness as a weakness
4) bitch abt ppl i care abt in front of me
5) piss me off
6)
7)

Seven people to tag
1) not really into tagging ppl...so if ur interested...ur tagged..hehe
2)
3)
4)
5)
6)
7)

I'm HAPPY!!!!

2007-10-12T20:08:00.000+08:00

yup...das rite...im happy...i dont noe when or how or why...but suddenly im back...im happy...jst plain happy...

its not to say i dun have a care in d world anymore...i still have exams to worry abt...still got aiesec work to do...but sum how...

im happy...

i no longer depend on others to make me happy...m back to dat stage where im content...n happy...

after all the heart aches n trials n tribulations...after all that being in the "family orientated" phase...by this i mean the whole "grad,get married,have kids n family" orientation....suddenly im not like that any more...suddenly i couldnt gv 2 hoots abt girls or relationships...

now its me time...its my life...my goals...n i can see them...my graduation...my professional exams...my big fat salary...my slk200k...all within reach...n it feels damn good i tell u...i cant remember the last time i was this happy....

to be honest...its better than the happiness i felt while i was in a relationship....this happiness dates abck to when i was bk in switzerland...n when i jst got back...when i knew who i was...when everything jst fit...n i accepted who i was...

so there u have it...IM BACK!!!n im HAPPY!!!seriously...pure unadulterated happiness....:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D

A Very Eventful Week

2007-10-02T18:16:00.000+08:00

stuff in d previous post aside...dat person is no longer of consequence to me...its been a very eventful week....

1st i had 3 midsem tests....back to back...tues,wed n thurs...which was crap to say d least...but i think i did pretty well...

on tues nite...we went for our EB meet...which suddenly changed location from aiesec office to food foundry...this really nice place wv really expensive food...n then rene told us dinner was on him...a form of rewards n recognition for the work we have been doing...THANKS RENE!!!:D

n then..i started talking wv one of my lecturers...cz next sem im supposed to do my industrial training...n its gonna be for 16 weeks...and since im in aiesec, there is actually a chance for me to do it overseas...so kinda in talks with my dept abt that...kinda excited!!:)

rene also mentioned to me that there will be a conference in bandung, indonesia from the 22nd-26th of november...its a Information System in AIESEC Conference...special to my particular functional area in aiesec currently...YAY!!!!:)...now i just need to convince my parents to let me go....sand,sea n shopping!!!!woo hoo!!!!:D

at the end of the week...Career Path had their bonding camp in gombak...now originally i didnt want to go...i had an invitation to go for another camp which was looking more promising with the possibility of alc...and also i have 2 tests this week...but i went to gombak anyway...to show my support for them...n i was glad...

the place was amazing...in the middle of the jungle...it was so quiet n peaceful n serene....there was a pool there...and a river from a waterfall behind the lodge...the camp schedule was very relaxing...the waterfall was amazing...going against the current...working ur way to the top...it was really amazing...getting to noe the new juniors n members...the people who were in this project...their energy...it was really amazing...

n now im bk...the camp was excellent...i feel rejuvenated...my energy level is up all the way again...i can focus properly on my coming tests...my mind is at rest...i havent felt this way in a long time...n its exactly how i need to feel facing the 2 papers i have to sit for this week...:D

Life

2007-09-22T16:49:00.000+08:00

i always play the silent game...nvr say nething...but u noe wut...this time i mite try smth slightly different...

go ahead...tell ur lies...do wut ever the fuck u wanna do...but if u really think its abt money...or its abt sum chick...ur dead wrong...it aint abt none of dat...its abt u nvr changing...u constantly taking advantage of people...

but if u cant see that...if u cant look past ur own misconceptions...dats ur fucking problem...i pity d ppl who are falling for ur crap...i really do...

after all i've done for u...u think i'd turn my back on family for money or for sum chick?ur dead wrong...clearly u nvr knew me...n i guess i nvr knew u...

there was nth for me to blame any1 for in d 1st place...it was my mistake...my prob..my shit...although...it wasnt after i cut u out dat i learnt u had long ago gone behind my back...stabbed me in d back n betrayed my trust....used me as a piece of gossip...spilt my secrets to the world out there...so fuck u....

to any1 else who is reading this...jst keep this in mind alrite...if after all those years of backing this person up...all bailing this person out of trouble time n again...spending all dat time n effort...n yet this person so easily can betray me...so easily can spill my secrets out...how long do u think it'll be before this person does d same to u....

dats for u to decide...to those who still got my back...i thank u...i appreciate every one of u...n to those who have no idea wuts going on...dun ask...esp dun ask me...jst accept dat me n this person have gone through a parting of ways..only those who are family noe my reasonings n motifs...n only they have the right to hear it from me...to the rest...its personal n its meant for family only...as rude as it may seem...im sorry...n i apologize to any of u dat got caught up in this unwillingly...

Xcapade and more

2007-09-13T08:53:00.000+08:00

well...its been a loooong week i'd say....even though d weeks not over....jst came bk from xcapade on sun nite....it was absolutely amazing....the feeling of d difference between being an eb/faci n being a delegate is totally different...a whole new experience...

last year as a delegate i was struggling to stay awake during sessions...cudnt believe how the facis were doing it then....this year...on d 1st nite...i only slept for like 20 minutes...from6:10am-6:30am....thats it...n yet the next day i was still feeling energetic....probably due to the red bull lah...haha...

but overall it was a great experience...a great time...to see the juniors n noe wut was going on in their heads...to see them actively participating n having fun...it made it all worth it...:)

but there is another thing....xcapade this year marks 1 year since i actively joined AIESEC...it was exactly one year ago that i went to pd...that very same house we were in last weekend...exactly one year ago i met ppl like jim n alif n lia n didi n sakina n foo cheong n audrey....

one year gone by....n from not knowing him at all...jim has become my brother...one of my most trusted people in the world....that has been there for me through d worse of times...n vice versa...

one year gone by...one year since i met the boy alif...n today i see the man he has become...the amount he has grown...still the same old joker...but not the same at all....so much difference...so much growth...

one year gone by....n finally i understand that its not just words when they AIESEC is a life changing experience...im living it...n im seeing it in motion everyday arnd me...

to jim n alif...to one year of hardships and good times together....may we walk into that old sanctuary of ours in pd this time next year to celebrate 2 years of friendship n growth...:D

My Take On Heaven and Hell

2007-09-01T12:11:00.000+08:00

disclaimer: this is my blog..n these r my thoughts...if they offend u, im sorry...but if think leaving sum mean comment or death threat is gonna make me change my post..U R WRONG!!so piss off.

this is my take on heaven and hell...honestly think abt it...who wud b dumb enough to take on God rite?realize also that catholics refer to to lucifer as the fallen angel..not the devil...so y is this?here is what i think....

one day, God came to lucifer...he came to lucifer because he knew among all the angels in heaven, lucifer was the most loyal n devoted of them all...he knew that lucifer would do nething for God n all God had to do was ask it of him...n God knew that of all the angels, lucifer was the only who had the strength to do this upcoming task..

so God says to lucifer "Lucifer, i need to put the delinquents from earth sum where...i cant let them into heaven because it would disrupt the eternal peace promised to the good people from earth...but i cannot simply place them anywhere because they mite rise against me."

to which lucifer replies "then God, what would u have me do?"

God looks at lucifer with pain in his eyes and says "Lucifer, i noe u r loyal to me...more than any other angel here. so i ask of u this...take ur most trusted generals and plot an uprising against me..fail in that upraising. the result will be that u will be banished to a place called hell..there, u and ur generals will rule the delinquents and ensure that heaven stays peaceful. can u do this for me?"

"Yes." replies lucifer...knowing that for his loyalty, not only him, but all of his most trusted generals were being banished from heaven...

so thay plotted and carried out Gods plans....they failed in the uprising as planned and were banished to hell...there they sat n ruled for many generations...until one day....

a man came down to hell...lucifer had heard of him...God had told lucifer of this man...this man walked into hell with a group of soldiers...he did wut no one had ever done before...he challenged lucifer...n there was war...a war which lucifer lost...his generals thrown down...n this new man took the throne of hell with his overlords...n he gives himself the title of "The Devil".

then quietly, he tells lucifer "God sent me from earth...he said u have suffered enough for him. the time has come for u to return to heaven n take ur place beside him. u,the most loyal of all his angels, will be rewarded beyond ur imagination. go now n take ur generals with u. go home to where u belong. hell is mine to watch over now."

lucifer looked surprised. he did not noe wut to say. finally he said "thank u. returning to heaven is already a reward beyond my imagination, i dont need another reward." he then took his generals n returned to heaven, to God with his arms opened wide to receive them.

every few generations...God picks a mortal...he makes that mortal go through hell on earth..n he shows the mortal the path to finding his own generals....so that when the mortal crosses over, he can walk into hell n relieve the current devil of his duties. to tell the devil that it was his time to carry on his journey n go to up to heaven to take his place beside God..n then the mortal will sit on the throne of hell with his overlords and wait for his replacement to arrive...

i have seen hell on earth...i have walked through the fires...and i have found my gernerals...u noe who u r....together we have been chosen...now u noe wut awaits u...do u have the strength to follow through?do u have the strength to carry out Gods wishes?search urself n search ur soul and u will find the answer..

Potong Stim

2007-08-25T14:42:00.000+08:00

i went yum cha wv aaron,mich n ruben last nite....n then after dat a while wv varun....it was really good....good for clearing my head n all dat shit....but dats not d point of this post...this post is to tell all a typical case of potong stim mich n i experienced yest on our way home....

driving bk from 9th klj....we passed a mercSLK200....absolutely amazing car...beautiful....seriously....suffice to say it soon over took us....but i did my best to keep up with it...n followed it all the way up the hill till it turned into pantai panaroma....seeing dat car...d design...d way it moved n wove in n out of traffic on d road....absolutely amazing...

but d dream ended when it turned into panaroma n i had to keep driving straight....only to get stuck behind a bmw 3 series....now...on any normal day dat 3 series would have looked damn nice....but in contrast with the heavenly SLK200 i had been following...d 3 sereies now looked like some 40 year old beaten up piece of junk dat shudnt even be on d road....seriously....damn contrast wei.....

another car added to my list of dream cars....fairlady....bentley from the longest yard...n now d merc SLK200....damn.....thank god im doing actuarial science n mite actually b able to own oat least one if not all of the cars mentioned above...hehe

Pain

2007-08-23T23:07:00.000+08:00

i thought i was getting better...guess i just deceived myself....had 3 midsems this past week ending today....for a while i had sum control....i focused all my energy on my exams...n briefly d pain vanished....not completely....but it was a mere shadow of its true self...

n today my exams ended....i was alleviated....for a moment...n then...jst as d joy of finishing my exams was taking over....i felt it again....a stabbing pain...rite in my heart....or...wuts left of my heart anyway....jst pain...pure unadulterated pain....worse than the pain of death itself...

i dunno wut to do....it feels wrong that she shud bear the burden of losing a fren just cz i fell for her...i wish i cud talk to her again....go bk to d way things were....but sum how...sum where along the line...i jst forgot how to be jst a fren to her...i really dunno wut to do....

History Repeats Itself

2007-08-19T19:04:00.000+08:00

here i am....1 year 5 months and 24 days since i was last in this state....my heart broken into a million pieces....n it took me forever to put the pieces back together...n even after dat...after all d pain n agony...all i had was a heart of stone...slowly n steadily....it morphed itself bk into a normal heart....

n then came along a girl....a girl that made me feel like all those long years ago...feel alive again...feel like she is worth it....u noe dat girl...d one where u dun care if u make a fool of urself in front our frens....jst as long as u can get her...its all worth it...d one dat makes u smile jst thinking of her...

n i like a fool...fell for her....n i fell hard...could i help it?no...i cud not...as aaron puts it...im a sentimental old fool....i put it all out there...i tried to woo her...n for a moment...a brief moment...it seemed like it was working....like i was getting sum where...i felt so strongly for her...n there mite jst b this one slim chance she mite actually feel the same way too....

then....all of a sudden...out of nowhere....i din even see it coming..."he is jst a fren"....one sentence....one simple phrase...n all the hopes n dreams...all crushed n destroyed....but this was it...did i mention i havent felt this way since my ex?well...that's that i guess....with one sentence....my heart broke....bk into a million pieces...bk to d way it was when i was forced to do wut i did....

now d question is...can i put myself bk together?do i actually have d strength?n if i can n i do have the strength, will i be once again left with a heart of stone?cz if dat is d case...i noe i dun have d strength to morph it bk to a normal heart....but then...will i even b able to put myself together again?every time i c her....my heart jst crumbles....how do u have a platonic friendship with sum1 u feel so strongly about?

Very Touching

2007-08-12T18:02:00.000+08:00

well....ferdy sent me this video....found it very touching...so m putting it up here...the song lyrics are below...jst goes to show u noe....god is always there...watching over u....hurting at ur pain...but when u need him d most...he's there for u...n he'll take everything for u...u jst gotta reach out for him...

Lifehouse - Everything

Find Me Here
Speak To Me
I want to feel you
I need to hear you
You are the light
That's leading me
To the place where I find peace again.

You are the strength, that keeps me walking.
You are the hope, that keeps me trusting.
You are the light to my soul.
You are my purpose...you're everything.

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

You calm the storms, and you give me rest.
You hold me in your hands, you won't let me fall.
You steal my heart, and you take my breath away.
Would you take me in? Take me deeper now?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
And how can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Cause you're all I want, You're all I need
You're everything,everything
You're all I want your all I need
You're everything, everything.
You're all I want you're all I need.
You're everything, everything
You're all I want you're all I need, you're everything, everything.

And How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?
How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

How can I stand here with you and not be moved by you?
Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Would you tell me how could it be any better than this?

Home Again

2007-08-11T10:28:00.000+08:00

finally....after such a long time....actually....it jst been abt 5 weeks....but it feels like sooooo much longer....so long since i came bk home....to where i belong....where all the troubles in my life jst fade away....no aiesec....no exams....no datelines....no girl troubles....nothing...jst blissful peace....

its really become a luxury coming home...these days im soo busy i really dunno when the next time ill b able to come again is....probably when it all gets too much again....when im close to breaking...then ill jst leave it all n come home....jst a few days of peace and serenity....

went with my mum to the school play last nite....for those who havent watched it....its quite good actually...the play is entitled hercules....but hades is d main guy....hades makes the whole play really worth watching...

today im going out with jill and aaron....jst a simple day to chill...mite even meet eelin n her new boy....hehe...that should be quite interesting....no...dat is not jealousy in my voice...im happy for her...but i mean lets face it...im a guy....i do hv SOME ego u noe...not much...but still...some...lol

n then tmr....tmr is the dreaded day....bk to kl....bk to aiesec...bk to exams n datelines...bk to girl troubles....bk to all dat mayhem and chaos....i guess its jst a preparation for d coming stages of my life....

ah well...if there is one thing i've learnt in the past weeks...its to savor the good times....make it last as long as possible...n brace for the bad times....enjoy the calm before the storm...for there is always a storm that is waiting for u arnd the horizon....

over n out.

Court Therapy

2007-08-09T18:36:00.000+08:00

court always makes things abit clearer...not crystal clear....but jst a lil clearer...

what m i to u?
d o i actually mean smth to u?
or m i jst smth u hv arnd
when u need sum attention?

what m i to u?
i need to noe
i cant go on like this..

i gv u attention when u want it...
i put myself out there...
but yet..

u sit there
play ur games
sometimes ur interested
n other times ur not..

what m i to u?
the ball is in ur court now...

The Price of Loyalty

2007-08-05T18:22:00.000+08:00

had a long chat with one of my brothers the other day....n only then i realized he isnt so different from me....the one thing dat really connects us is our sense of loyalty....yes...to those who have so little faith in me...loayalty is one of the most important things in my life....but it comes at a price...n from a price as well...

as put by my sis...i care too much....lets put it this way...i care not for the world outside and wut goes on...who kills who...who is at war with who....who wins wut elections....those are all such insignificant things that i do not care about...

but to those who r close to me...i care too much....i care so much for them that their problems and burdens become my problems and burdens...their joy is my joy...their tears are my failings...and its worse when i have to do things that add to their problems...

this leads to loyalty....undivided...to the death loyalty....n dat loyalty drives me to do things i wud ordinarily choose not to do...but i end up doing it anyway...not cz i want to...but cz i have to...cz of loyalty...not too long ago...due to sum loyalties...i was crushed and oppressed...to the point i lost control and engaged in violence i have not engaged in in over 9 years....

d road to hell is paved with good intentions they say....my road to hell is paved by my loyalties and the lengths i go through to keep them...yes...i m going to hell...i noe this for a fact...i believe in God...i noe God has sum plan for me...n that i mite eventually be allowed in Gods graces...but my path to that is through the fires of hell...

kind of puts a new twist to telling a girl "i'll love even after death"....cz dat wud b a lie wudnt it?how can i love sum1 if they go to heaven n im going to hell is there...?

loyalties....its a blessing and at the same time a curse...unless u have suffered under the same pain...u have no idea how i feel at this point....no idea how much pain it is to have to see all that is happening arnd me n not b able to do nething...no idea how suffocating it is to love n not b able to say it out loud simply because of a thing sum ppl view so insignificantly called LOYALTY

"through the fires of hell i shall walk,
if this be the path chosen for me,
then give me the grace to carry,
the burden on my shoulder.

through the fires of hell i shall walk,
if this be the path chosen for me,
then give me the gift of soldiers,
who r loyal to me,
n who know the price i've paid,
n who know why i walk this path.

through the fires of hell i shall walk,
if this be the path chosen for me,
then give me Your embrace,
so that i may know all is not in vain."

Uni?Holiday?

2007-07-30T22:57:00.000+08:00

bloody hell...i noe i noe...i've been neglecting my poor poor blog....but its not out of choice...i jst havent had d bloody time...i mean lets face it...i din even have time to go to class let alone update my blog....yeah....u guessed it...aiesec has kept me dat busy....forever on d go...

i was on d go for so long dat finally my body told me it cant take it nemore....n decided to force me to slow down....how?it got itself sick...been down with sore throat n fever for a couple of days adi...today was d worst....couldnt even get out of bed...so jst lay in bed d whole day...recovering...

i missed a lot of my 1st 2 weeks of classes...n before i knew it...im stepping into the 4th week of uni...n guess wut??i've got a freaking TEST on wednesday....bloody hell...this sem...this year...its a whole different ball game man....

so d question is...will i b able to do it again?will i be able to pull of another miraculous 4.0 this sem?i hope so...i really do....cz i need jst 1 more 4.0 to get my CGPA to reach that ever elusive 4.0....praying really hard...really gotta up my game this sem....

guess that kinda screws up my chances at having a social life or even thinking abt getting or going after any girl this sem....ah well....there'll b time for that when i grad i suppose...xcept dats wut my sis used to tell herself as well...then she told me that it wasnt dat simple...aih....

yeah...i realized im rambling again...its a side effect of a mixutre of panadol,water and whisky...yeah...whisky....my dentist fren told me it works...so im trying it out..lol

Its Been Ages

2007-07-14T11:54:00.000+08:00

n indeed it has...the 1st week of sem jst ended....but it feels like much much longer than 1 week...i mean...i've been out of d house before 10am everyday n only get bk home arnd 1am....dat went on since monday till thursday....wut was i doing out so late?simple...AIESEC...its a busy busy busy time rite now for us cz of all d planning...but i suppose its a must...better to suffer now n have a proper structured year plan to follow...which means d rest of d year will b easier...as opposed to relaxing now n suffering later cz we dun have any guidelines to follow...

yest...i self proclaimed it a holiday....nth aiesec...no classes...i jst slept...n in the evening i went out wv my bro for sum pool n beer...jst plain relaxation....

n today...its back to d madness....but i cant say i dun enjoy it...like aaron mentioned...i do enjoy it..granted its tiring as hell....but its kinda fun....like today i'll b going to pick up 2 dutch ambassadors....i mean...meeting new ppl is always fun rite?n even in d eb n mt...slowly...steadily...everyone is starting to get used to each other i think....yeah...i realized im rambling again....so i shall jst stop here...

adios amigos

Excitement

2007-07-02T23:23:00.000+08:00

yes....i was down....i was sad...i was blue...i was depressed...i was wut ever lah...but its all over...over jst a few hours ago....at a point when suddenly none of those small things mattered anymore....u noe y....1 point of realization....

after 7 weeks of hard work....of literally sitting in front of my computer day in n day out...of driving rakawi practically mad with useless questions...after drowning myself in html n css codes..which by the way...i knew absolutely NOTHING abt before this....after losing my mind countless times due to IE being stubborn.....after going through theme after theme n editting colours n banners n branding sizes....n all that shit...after everything....its done...

www.aiesecum.com

dis is it...its finally up n running...i swear to god when it hit me that everything was up...that there wasnt a single page that sed "page under construction"...that it was done...i was sooooo freaking happy there were tears of joy streaming down my cheeks wei.....damn sentimental...

i really really wanna thank rakawi for everything he has done for me...for having thought me things relentlessly.....for being patient with me....thank u sooooo very much....

i wanna thank rene tan for giving me this chance....seriously...u showed a lot of faith in me by approving a rm150 a year expenditure...knowing that i knew nxt to nth abt web design...u still gave me the chance...n it seriously means sooo much to me u have no idea....n yes...i promise to hook up d site wv nuffnang n adsense as soon s a lil more traffic starts coming its way...

lastly...jst thank u to everyone who played a part in this...no matter how small....even if it was merely pointing out that 2 colours din match or it was the worng branding...jst any feedback at all...thank u soo much because all ur feedback made this possible...thank u!!!!:D

The Paradox Of Our Time

2007-07-02T17:58:00.000+08:00

its written by George Carlin.....i've seen it a couple of times in different places....n have come to realize how absolutely true it is....

The paradox of our times in history is that

we have taller buildings but shorter tempers,

wider freeways but narrower viewpoints.

We spend more, but have less.

We buy more, buy enjoy less.

We have bigger houses and smaller families,

more conveniences, but less time.

We have more degrees but less sense,

more knowledge, but less judgment,

more experts, yet more problems.

More medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little,

watch TV too much and pray seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values.

We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living but not a life.

We've added years to life, but not life to years.

We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a neighbour.

We conquered outerspace but not inner space.

We've done larger things, but not lesser things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul.

We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice.

We write more, but learn less.

We plan more, but accomplish less.

We've learned to rush, but not to wait.

We build more computers to hold more information to produce more copies than ever, but communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion,

big men and small character,

steep profits and shallow relationships.

These are the days of quick trips, disposable diapers, and pills that do everything from cheer to quiet to kill.

It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

Remember, spend more time with your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it.

A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak and give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

Let your feelings out for they won't know how you feel if you keep them inside

A Wake Up Call

2007-06-29T10:02:00.000+08:00

damn....its been ages since i updated this blog hasnt it.....well....d bulk of d time since then was spent at natcon in utm....which was absolutely amazing...met a lot of new ppl....bumped into a lot of old frens...learnt loads of things....i really thank the OCs and the MCs....before this i cud nvr truly grasp the whole "global" part of AIESEC...i mean i knew it was global n all...but the way they presented it at natcon made it more realistic....learnt loads of other stuff...which also means i got loads of work to do....sigh....

n yesterday...after doing sum stuff that mite b considered to b not so smart...n clearing up that whole thing....god kinda gave me a wake up call....was walking near kota raya to go to pudu...looked down for a while cz the pavement was uneven n i din wanna trip n fall....jst as i was bringing my head up to look straight....

BANG!!!!

my head smacked straight into a wall...my glasses broke n fell to d floor...i bent down to pick my glasses up n suddenly realized there was blood trickling everywhere....panicked...i ran to d McDs n started to wash d blood off...when it wouldnt stop bleeding...i called jim n alif....alif came n fetched me n took me to UM students clinic....

they shaved part of my head....put 4 stitches on the wound n sed i was good to go....unfortunately i din bring bk my data cable...else i would have put all my gory images up....thank u sooo much to jim n alif who were there to help me out....n thanks to all those who sent me msges last nite asking how i was doing....:)

Finally

2007-06-16T09:51:00.000+08:00

so after seeing it on paper for 1 year....after talking abt it...n going to numerous different places n meeting different artist...n getting different quotations....i went to penang on thurs n FINALLY got it done....

the instrument of pain

now d 1st question anybody asks me is always "pain ah?"....well...think abt it...u got dat machine up there where the needle is moving in n out n pricking ur skin at abt 20-30 pricks per second...yeah....dats how fast it is....n yeah...there is a certain amount of pain....but its really not dat bad....esp once u get used to it...

kean doing d tattoo for me n varun camhoring

now d guy who did my tattoo for me...his name is kean....n he is absolutely amazing...his artwork is great....he is a really nice guy....really fun....n he kept saying throughout the whole thing "im sorry to hurt u...i dont want to hurt u...but i need to do my job"...it was actually quite funny...hehe...

kean doing his work of art

the whole process took a very long time....went to his place arnd 6pm...he went out n photostated d design in different sizes....then we picked which size for each of the 4 parts...then he started to stencil all the parts...by the time he finished stenciling n was going to start work it was already arnd 745pm....the 1st part, which is my name in old english took a whopping 3 hours to complete....then he finished the rest in slightly over 2 hours...so d total time was abt 5 hours n 15 minutes....not including the stenciling part...

kean n me after d tattoo was complete

honestly speaking...he put in a lot of effort to do this...n it was amazing to see him work...after all dat...he only charged me rm450 for the whole thing...which for d amount of effort he put into it....i think it was more than worth my money...of course part of the reason its not dat expensive as parlors is coz he does it in his bed room...but its still very sterile n safe...

the main part of the tattoo with my religious symbol,name on old english font,name in punjabi n japanese

i am extremely happy with my tattoo....im so glad i finally went n got it done....after seeing on paper for more than 1 year...it feels really great to b able to see it on my skin....its really amazing...n im definitely gonna get more...n im most probabably gonna go bk to kean to get them done...i seriously recommend him to anyone who wants to get a tattoo...:D

my date of birth hidden under my armpits..lol

Home

2007-06-12T11:21:00.000+08:00

i m bk in iph...yes...seriously....i have hardly been bk these hols....but now im bk...for a lil while anyway....i jst came bk from kl....1 whole weekend of bday celebrations...

day 1...bro came bk on fri...which was my bday....ferdy was down as well....we went out for sum taugeh chicken....went to a pool place....no seedy girls trying funny stuff...thank god for that....opened a bottle of black label....it was good...then we went home after we finished the bottle....played sum card games that involved a whole lot of drinking...after 2 1/2 years...i was actually completely drunk n gone...slept at abt 5am....n woke up at 630am....

day 2....took a bus down to kl wv ferdy...took him for lunch....n then bought sum supplies...n at nite...we had a booze party...yeah...i din learn my lesson....we had a whole lotta vodka...n to top it off...tequilla shots...there was sum veggies there as well....at the end of the nite...most ppl were stoned....i think abt half were out cold...but overall it was a good nite....

day 3...we woke up...bloody early.....seriously....bathed...then we went out with the girls n d hong kong interns...then the girls took them to klcc while i took ferdy n mich home n we slept...till evening when we went to pick varun n jon up from kl sentral...the dinner..then home again to sleep...

day 4...yesterday....woke up...n the headache of registering for courses started again...its seriously very annoying....seriously...n then went for lunch n to pudu n came bk home....should b here at least till fri nite or sat morning....hehe

23

2007-06-08T09:57:00.000+08:00

thats how old i am today....yet sumhow i feel so much older on the inside....although there r times i feel much younger...a year gone by....so much has passed...so much has come to be...n so much left undone...

but it was nevertheless a good year....

a year of mistakes....n of learning....
a year of closure....n new horizons....
a year of moving on.....bt still cherishing the past...

a year of new friends.....new bonds....bonds that wont b broken so easily....
a year of strengthening old bonds....n at d same time breaking sum dat proved to be ill-natured...

23 years of my life has past...n i have so much to celebrate...family...friends...studies...aiesec(yes..partially to be celebrated)...

n wut better time to say this...i noe i usually dont announce it...but 3rd times a charm rite...n considering its d 3rd time in a row i've miraculously pulled out a 4.0 from the hat...i'd say if ur close enough to me...particularly my family...u've somehow earned urself a treat...ur jst gonna have to wait till my loan comes in...

as for d rest that aren't my family...sorry...pray i get it 4 times in row n u mite jst get lucky...lol...n u can call me a cheap ass all u want...it aint gonna make any difference wut so ever...:P

i guess thats all for now...time to go enjoy my day!!:D

Busy Busy Busy

2007-06-06T08:36:00.000+08:00

its been ages since i updated my blog hasnt it??well....cant really be helped...went to penang the day after my last post....spent d day with ferdy....it was great seeing him again...as it always is...then met up with laygeen,nadine n von....went for dinner....then went to watch pirates3....

the next day we started the camp...which went on from sun till tues....the camp was great...met a lot of cool ppl....easy going....made frens....but dats not all...it was an eye-opener...a lot of things mentioned at the camp i had nvr thought abt until then....

then i stayed on for 2 days in penang....spent sum quality time wv ferdy...jst got to chill....but he din have active internet there...else i probably wud have blogged then...got bk from penang on thursday....n on fri i drove my parents down to kl so they could take their flight to medan...been running arnd in kl till yest when i came bk....

a lot happened in kl....good things...bad things...this where the bitching comes in....sum ppl need to learn to mind their own business....i do not meddle in other ppls affairs until im asked to meddle in by the parties involved...n as such....i do not take too kindly to ppl meddling in my affairs....im a loyal fren n have frens who r loyal to me...when u speak against me...the walls have ears...remeber that....n its not always the most obvious person who u think will tell dat tells me...so be warned....meddle in my affairs again...n u wont b spared so easily...

Kuching

2007-05-25T10:13:00.000+08:00

wow....i've been up n about running arnd all over the place....my latest stop was kuching....bk in iph now for a day or 2 n tmr im off to penang for a week...

so...kuching.....i havent been there for 2 1/2 years....a lot has changed since i last went bk...but d food is still the same...kolo mee....kampua mee....salad chicken rice....true sarawak laksa....absolutely amazing....

but at d same time...i realized that i probably wont b going bk anytime soon....1 week there...i met a lot of my old frens there...n sumhow...i think i dun have much connection with them anymore...they have walked a different path then me together...n i walked a completely different path all by myself...sigh....its funny how much death,despair n destruction can change the path u walk on....ppl there r still shielded from the bad bad world out there...in sum funny way...im happy for them...

neways.....tmr i leave for penang for a camp n to c FERDY!!!!!woooohoooo!!!!i miss him...i cant help myself...lol...its a welcome from d busy busyness from aiesec n website n stuff...granted the camp in penang is an aiesec camp lah...but still...it'll b more fun than sitting at d com trying to figure shit out...lol...

well....dats all for now...more updates when i get bk....hehe....ciaoz...

A Mixture of Things

2007-05-13T20:07:00.000+08:00

well...its been quite sum time since i last posted sumthing up here...been quite bz...came bk from iph....realized dat d only things i truly miss in ipoh is my parents n my home....other than dat...there aint much left for me there...its been a week of realizations for me i think...realized things i din before...learnt stuff abt myself...jst lil things...lil things that seem easier to accept after all the other strings that were keeping me down were cut loose...

one of th main things i realized is that i have a 2nd degree family that sumhow squeezed its way up the list of my priorities...i mean...d top will always be my true family(ie mum,dad,bro,sis,aaron,varun,jim,ruben,ferdy,mich).....d 2nd was friends...which has kinda been bumped to 3rd place n now shares the same amount of priority as studies n aiesec....

so wut is this 2nd degree family im talking abt?they're basicly friends...jst that they have seen me through a lot...more than any of my friends have...but not nearly as much as my family has....so they're kinda in between...but each of their friendships has taught me alot in my life...n i cherish these friendships a lot....in case ur wondering...the ppl i consider my 2nd degree family wud be jill,pinkie,eelin,cheryl,eileng,jason ling,jitvern n yee hui.....so jst thought i'd let u guys noe dat u mean a lot to me...:D

besides that...i've realized i'm a lot more willing to learn stuff n tinker arnd wv things than i ever thought...i mean...being aiesec um's supposed "tech geek"...i was supposed to set up a website n stuff....been working on it...its still in d early stages....but d more i work on it...d more i wanna learn abt wut makes it tick...d more i wanna tinker wv it n change it...its kinda cool....hehe

n finally...dat im happy...jst d way i am...i can actually wake up everyday now not fret abt d past or d future dat much....no more dark morbid thoughts of what if i did dat or what if i do dat...its kinda refreshing...waking up each day...giving it d best i've got...n jst being happy...im a happy person...:D

well...i guess dats all for now....:)

p/s: get ur sorry ass bk here NOW angrymedic!!!it needs a whopping im ready to give!

Missing

2007-05-08T07:58:00.000+08:00

it was there yesterday....n then...before i knew wut was happening...it was gone...woke up to day n realized it had a much bigger impact on me than i originally thought...so where do i go from here?im feeling lost again....sigh

Tension & Therapy

2007-05-07T15:21:00.000+08:00

been having a lot of built up tension lately....nvr had the time to go shoot hoops...or there were nvr enough ppl....jst circumstances...i came bk to ipoh...parents got a cycling machine....so got on it...n started cycling...sure...it had some effect...but not nearly enough effect to help...n then it got me thinking...my sis put d idea in my head first...then i was having a "discussion" wv a fren about how gyms these days r kind of a con job....then she oso put d idea in my head.

so i decided...i need a proper output for my stress n tension...sum place i can let d devil out for short period of times...dat way he mite b more content...mite b easier to deal with stuff....

so...starting nxt sem...which is effectively in july...ill b signing up in one of those gym places...but not for d gym facilities at all....mainly to take up those bodycombat or kickboxing classes they have...i think dats a good effort for me...its can gv me d rite adrenalin push....it can gv me proper output of my tension n my stress...no need to hold bk nething....

on another note...i had a long talk wv my dad n cleared things up....things dat have been working on my mind....n now its all kinda clear...it was not for d reason my dad originally sed....so im kinda free...in a way...im not held by that barrier nemore...my parents will b happy as long as im sure im happy...so its a relieve....it really is....:D

Holidays??

2007-05-06T01:47:00.000+08:00

well...since my last post...i've had a few really busy days...that doesnt really make it seem like im on a holiday....well except for the 1st part....so here goes...the past few days in a nutshell....

Booze Party

so on d 2nd of may i had d normal after exams celebrations...i mean...im indian...wut else do u expect except for a booze party rite?only diff is that instead of d normal 8 or 9 ppl...we had a good 15-20 ppl...yeah sure sum of them din drink...but that was like abt less than 5...n only coz they were muslim n cant really drink cz of their religion to begin with...but the fact dat they knew we were gonna booze n still came...made a big diff to me...n i really wanna thank them....mawar...alif...lia...

as usual...we had a few ppl who got drunk...a few punjabis who got drunk n did d completely embarrassing thing of acting gay n all...but hey...to each their own rite...lol...all in all...it was a really good nite...i enjoyed myself...even though jim n i had to refrain from getting drunk or even high for dat matter cz we had to take care of everyone...but d fact that everyone else had a good time...it felt good....i ended up sleeping at 5am....n waking up at 6am coz....

MT Interviews

well...as unbelievable as it still is...i did get into d AIESEC exec board(eb)....n as the eb...we held interview on d 3rd of may to choose our management team(mt)...we had to be in uni by 830am...n hence i was awake by 6am...to make sure dat d ppl who slept over d nite before got up n went home...cz half of d ppl at d booze party either were d interviewers or d ppl dat were gonna get interviewed...lol...but they still managed to come for d interviews in a very sober fashion....very impressed...

d interviews lasted till about 530pm...then we had to sit n decide who we were gonna take in n who we were gonna cut out...n then to plan for the following day...which is d next section...i finally got home n slept arnd 1230am...

Local Committee Planning Meet

basicly this thing called lcpm for short was held d day after d interviews....starting from arnd 8+am....all the way till abt 6+pm...basicly got all d successful applicants for mt together...n intro them to AIESEC n let them bond abit...it was quite fun...although tiring...but still....its all good...n at d same time i was having online transition wv my predecessor...who was telling me wut i need to do n such....so my work started then itself....ah well...which brings me to...

Going bk to Ipoh

finally....after abt 2 1/2 months...i finally came bk to ipoh...so much has changed....all of a sudden ipoh has so many traffic jams...everything is so crowded...even d simple coffee shops that used to be deserted on a saturday nite were packed to d brim....impossible to find parking...it was unbelievable...but still...its home sweet home....finally home...

Afraid of Sleep

as i sed in my previous post...i sum how lost myself this past year in uni...there r so many questions that have flooded my mind...during my exams...d devil in me wanted to come out...i thought it was jst d exams...but now...my exams r over...but the feeling is still there...i close my eyes...n he is there...fighting n struggling to come out....d devil dat ran amok till i was 14...that was finally binded with the help of my parents...now 8 years later...i've lost myself...n he is slowly creeping to d edge....n everytime i close my eyes...everytime i go to sleep...he gets 1 step closer to freeing himself...

i need help...i need to noe wuts wrong...i need to noe how to fix it...n i need to noe soon...b4 i fall bk into d darkness....i dun wan to be d one binded again....

u noe who u r...those who can help me...this is ur time to help me...this is a cry for help....

HELP ME!!!

Freedom

2007-05-01T17:17:00.000+08:00

i finally finished my exams last nite....with that ends my exams...as well as my 2nd semester of year 2...which means i have completed 2 years of university...i actually survived....4 year course...at d half way marker now...heck...i survived 2 years...wuts another 2 rite?lol

so i spent most of today jst arranging all my notes into a box...getting my corner of the room into shape...jst stuff that has been left for so long...n then it hit me...im on holiday again...or so it seems...still got a lot of work to do for aiesec...finally got the time...need to set my year plan n go through transition...

but at d same time...there r things to look forward to...its d hols...this sat i go bk to ipoh...soon ferdy will b bk....n aaron...n of course kuching n camps...its d hols...varun will b down in ipoh as well...a lot to look forward to...

yet sum how...sum how im tired...im sick...im lost...smth went amiss sumwhere along the line this year...sumwhere...i dunno where....smth...i dunno wut...sum how..i dunno how...n i'm being hounded by questions that bring about more questions than they answer themselves...sigh...mayb its jst me...but smth is wrong sumwhere inside me....sumhow...i dunno how i let this happen....

ah well...holidays rite?

To Ma Hommies

2007-04-25T21:02:00.000+08:00

now i noe dis is actually a love song lah...but sumhow when i hear it...i think of aaron singh...of ruben...of jim...of varun...of michelle...of ferdy...so d nxt time u ppl hear dis song...u noe im thinking of u...:D

"Here By Me"

I hope you’re doing fine out there without me
‘Cause I’m not doing so good without you
The things I thought you’d never know about me
Were the things I guess you always understood

So how could I have been so blind for all these years?
Guess I only see the truth through all this fear,
And living without you…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

I can’t take another day without you
‘Cause baby, I could never make it on my own
I’ve been waiting so long, just to hold you
And to be back in your arms where I belong

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
But everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love…

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

As the days grow long I see
That time is standing still for me
When you’re not here

Sorry I can’t always find the words to say
Everything I’ve ever known gets swept away
Inside of your love

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me.

And everything I have in this world
And all that I’ll ever be
It could all fall down around me.
Just as long as I have you,
Right here by me

love u guys man...really do from d bottom of my heart...thanx for everything ppl...

Gloomy Day

2007-04-24T09:40:00.000+08:00

dats pretty much wut it looks like outside my window....d gloominess i mean...sigh...its such a gloomy day....n its making me even gloomier...so lazy to do my work...its d kinda day u jst wanna curl up n bed n stay there....

but i cant...got exam on fri n sat....n today is tues....fri paper 90% done already so thats all good...

but sats paper...basic electronics....oh my god...so many things....this current n that voltage...wut in gods green earth possessed me to take this subject??learning abt current saturation till even my brain got saturated..sigh...

i hate gloomy days....i hate exams....i hate slumps....i hate that my friends have problems n i cant help them....its jst a gloomy day making me hate everything from the dark clouds to where i m in my life rite now...

did i mention i hate gloomy days??

Half Time

2007-04-22T18:04:00.000+08:00

WOOOOHOOOOO!!!!!yes...im a happy happy camper....well...at least i will b until tmr morn when i wake up n realize i pissed away 2 days that could have been used to study for my exams that r at d end of dis week...

but neway..i finished 2 of d 5 papers on fri...my worst paper was statistical computing...m pretty sure i shall b able to pass with more than a C...which means ill nvr have to sit for it again or look at java programming in my life again....hence d happiness...:D

so jon was down for the weekend...i havent actually sat down n talked wv him since dec 2004...yeah...that long...he was my head boy bk when i was in form6...he was in a upper 6 while i was in lower 6...but we clicked jst fine...n he stayed real close to me..so he was down...n we went for a movie with him...now..even jst putting varun, jon, mich and I together like dat is already a recipe for laughter...but putting us in a comedy show like wild hogs that was laden with double meanings all over the place....now dats jst god having too much fun....the movie was great...worth every penny...n i had an amazing time wv jon n varun n mich n lay geen n nick n goay...although nick was very blur...but its all good...we still love u nick...n at d end of d nite...i had a tummy ache cz of all dat laughter....dats how much we laughed...:D

ended up coming home at 430am...then yest went for lunch n then to a tattoo shop...nope...din get it done...yet...but found out its gonna cost me an easy rm300-500..on the other hand..bro invited me to go thailand with his frens at d end of june...so mite jst get it done there...since its much cheaper there...

wut else is there...having a slight case of split personality today...the bloody devil in me has been kept under lock n bars for abit too long n is revolting...he wants to come out n play...n with all the things my mind has gone through lately...its a little weak...n d devil is wasting no time in trying to get out...but im still sane...i think...lol...

well...thats all for now...b good...take care...n shall b bk when i have smth to blog abt...lol

Memories

2007-04-18T07:53:00.000+08:00

ever wake up one morning n sud feel ur whole life press upon u like a giant wave....all the memories....all the sweet moments...all the sadness....the pain....everything....like a torrent of emotions...a giant wave...n u dun noe if u shud b happy or sad...

ur mood fluctuates so fast its not funny....1 sec a happy memory comes n ur on top of d world...d nxt a painful memory comes n ur fighting bk d tears...yes...to those of u who think u noe me...there r tears in my past...n there is pain as well...despite the happy-go-lucky person u c walking down the street...but i keep it all locked inside n hidden away...

until 1 fine day...like today...the dam jst breaks....n everything is let out....so i slowly push everything bk into the deepest corners n start to build up d damn...leaving out only the happy memories...n hope to collect more happy memories...so that the next time d damn breaks....mayb...jst mayb...ill have more happy thoughts then painful thoughts...

a friends blog mentioned abt "when was the last time i was happy"...not to me personally...but jst generally...n its true...i cant pin point a specific time frame....but there r many moments of happiness...such as when im out with the guys jst chillin....when i help a fren througha difficult time...when everyone is together n enjoying themselves...

life is not defined by the number of breaths u take my dear friend...it is defined by the number of moments that take ur breath away...n thanks to u...n many others...im blessed in those moments....n i gain more n more of those moments every day...

Music With Powerful Lyrics

2007-04-16T09:38:00.000+08:00

2 songs i'm kinda addicted to rite now...really like them not only cz of d tune but also cz d lyrics r really nice,powerful n meaningful...

d 1st is Linkin Park - What I've Done

In this farewell,
There is no blood,
There is no alibi,
Cause I’ve drawn regret,
From the truth,
Of a thousands lies,
So let mercy come and wash away…

What I’ve Done,
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become,
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done…

Put to rest,
What you thought of me
While, I clean this slate,
With the hands,
Of uncertainty,
So let mercy come,
And wash away…

What I’ve Done,
I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become,
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done…

For what I’ve done,
I start again,
And whatever pain may come,
Today this ends,
I’m forgiving what I’ve done…

I’ll face myself,
To cross out what I’ve become,
Erase myself,
And let go of what I’ve done…

(Na,Na,Na) [Mike Shinoda!]

What I’ve Done,
What I’ve Done,
Forgiving what I’ve done…

and d 2nd is Good Charlotte - The River

As I walk through the valley
of the shadow of LA
The footsteps that were next to me
have gone their separate ways
I've seen enough now
to know that beautiful things
don't always stay that way
I've done enough now
to know this beautiful place
isn't everything they say

I heard that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

[M.Shadows:]
You're from a small town
You're gonna grow up fast
underneath these lights
Down in Hollywood
on the boulevard the dead come back to life
To the praying Mother
And the worried Father
Let your children go
If they come back
They'll come home stronger
And if they don't you'll know

They say that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels
I'm walking towards the light

Baptized in the river
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered
In the city was a sinner
I've done a lot of things wrong
But I swear I'm a believer
Like the prodigal son
I was out on my own
Now I'm trying to find my way back home
Baptized in the river
I'm delivered
I'm delivered

Baptized in the river (on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
(on my own, on my own)
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
Baptized in the river (on my own)
I wanna be delivered
I confess I'm a sinner
I've seen a vision of my life
And I wanna be delivered!

shud gv them a listen...really nice...:D

Experiments Of A Free Mind

2007-04-15T12:03:00.000+08:00

so thats that...i woke up today and realized that the chaos was gone from my mind...there is nth left there...as suddenly as it came,it went...so it was that simple after all...ah well...now atleast i can focus on getting better n slamming my head against those books...yes...i've resorted to aarons attempts of osmosis studying...only because i have no idea how else to study java programming....of all d dumb courses i could have taken,y did i have to choose that???ah well...at least its only 1 semester...

as far as d experiments part go...i actually attempted to post this particular post in a foreign language...but after translating it to different languages and then bk again to english as wut u ppl wud have done to read it...i realized that the content was completely skewed n made not much sense wut so ever...n cud in fact have given d wrong impression...so i decided to stick to english..lol

well...dats all for now...shall go n do my work...which is wut u bums shud b doing instead of reading this....any excuse to get away from work will do wont it?u lazy slackers...although im also one of them lah...lol...yeah...i realize im rambling again...lol

I'm Sick

2007-04-14T08:26:00.000+08:00

thats rite....its exam time...n im sick....cant believe it...i took such good care...ate my meals...ensured they were balanced....had proper sleep...granted i had stuff on my mind lah...but still...that chaos in my mind is d welcome comfort i feel that gives my d extra concentration i need during my exams...wut can i say...im a maths student through n through....i find comfort n solace in chaos...it gives me smth to fix n solve...so that cant b the cause...ah yes...after all the care...i skipped dinner jst one day...jst one meal...n the very nxt day my body was reacting already...ended up sleeping alot...woke up today wv sore throat n a mild flu...how nice...jst goes to show doesnt it...all u need is one moment of carelessness n all the carefulness goes down d drain...sigh...hope it doesnt last long....exams start on thurs...

Today Is Not My Day

2007-04-12T01:24:00.000+08:00

*this post has been edited because it was written in anger n i was way out of line...to those involved...i m truly sorry....this is a formal apology especially to my house mate who has been my friend for 4 years...n been through thick n thin with me...she is in every way my sister but for the blood that runs through my veins...*

i m a lucky person....i have always had an unusual amount of luck on my side....

but today it ran out...n god wasted no time in taking this small window of opportunity to throw every curse he could at me....it jst was not my day....

"the gods sometimes bless us in the morning and curse us at night"...its from troy...n how true it seems to me rite now...i shall call it a night...n pray that when i wake...the window has closed n my luck has come bk to me...

Blessing = Curse

2007-04-10T21:23:00.000+08:00

a smile.a face.a laugh.a hope.an inspiration.a blessing.

an intrusion.a distraction.a suffering.a curse.

its one way...at least i think it is...it started as an infatuation...but as she lingered in my mind more n more often...its gotten to more than that...now she puts a smile on my face in the morning and doesnt leave...then she stays there...n slowly n steadily...she becomes a distraction...

its painful cz i cant do nething abt it...its painful cz i didnt choose this...it jst happened...

its painful cz i would gv her the world if it wud mean she wud nvr b sad again...but at the same time...i cant gv her the world knowing that i wud have to take it away again in order to make others happy...others i have no choice but to keep happy due to my loyalty n love...

the gods bless us in the morning n curse us in the night....how true is this....sigh....so this is the path laid before me...where i suffer in silence...n hope that my closest of brothers n sisters can keep me from falling into the infinite darkness because of this...

on another note...sikh society agm was today....finally put that post to rest...now can jst chill as a normal member...shall still gv them full support...being in d board for a year has shown me how important support is n how hard it is to get...

The Fine Line

2007-04-07T20:57:00.000+08:00

for those of u who dont noe or dun read manga...the person above is ichigo kurosaki from bleach...this pic depicts his constant n never ending battle between his conscious self n the demon that lies dormant within him....always in a fight there is a fine line between him winning himself or the demon taking over....the manga chronicles his life walking that fine line at all times...the fine line between the triumph of good or the destruction that evil will bring...

im treading on a few fine lines myself...so i feel sum kind of connection to this character...its exams season again...the pressure is building...n im walking the fine line between genius n insanity....concentrating all my will to stay out of the insanity zone...to not let the ever looming darkness swallow me up...

at the same time...im walking another fine line...a line not chosen by myself but another for me...a fine line between inspiration and distraction...at which point does the girl that puts a smile on my face change from being an inspiration to being a distraction?at which point is she entering n wandering through my mind too often?

im not alone...many others walk these and many other fine lines everyday...sum how its so real that its scary...that these fine lines...so fine u can hardly even see them....that sumthing so fine can make d difference between greatness and destruction...the difference between love and hate...the difference between comfort and awkwardness...the difference between happily ever after and suicidal thoughts....all because of a fine line we cant even see...

will u let the demon within u win?or will u fight it with everything u've got?

Results

2007-04-06T08:18:00.000+08:00

got a call from amy last nite during my class....quite a few miscalls after my class when i checked my phone...so i called her bk...n this is wut she sed...

"I'm calling to tell u that u have been selected as the new vice president of information management for AIESEC UM..congratulations!"

yup...so after all dat waiting...n all that election process...n interview n self doubt....i actually managed to get it....now i gotta prove that i actually deserve it...:D

thankx so much to all those that stood by me n supported me...n to the past board who chose to gv me this chance....:D

Wandering Mind

2007-04-05T15:50:00.000+08:00

we had a small "farewell" for goay imm last nite at our place....not that she is going newhere indefinitely...jst leaving today to bangkok for a holiday...but it was excuse enough to gather our frens n jst chill...it was really nice...cool kinda actually....jst to have everyone there n talking n watching tv n eating...

bk to d title...i noe i've sed i'm walking the single path...i noe she mite b reading...but i cant help it...i hv failed as far as she goes...i cud not find any solid connection...merely on the surface things...simply put...there is hardly any chemistry between us...if any at all...

on d flip side...there is another who keeps popping in n out of my mind...not that there is any hope there either...she too is out of my league for many different reasons starting wv parental consent all the way to d fact dat she way much higher than i'll ever b in the social n beauty strata...

ah well....at worse i can always shave my head,don an orange robe n go sit on d mountains...lol...neway....its exams season...got keep my head straight n focus on my studies...but ill say this...its a welcome feeling to wake with 1 specific person in mind...to have her sweet smile linger in my mind before i truly resign myself to the dull day dat lies ahead of me...to hv her face pop in my mind when im stressed...jst to relieve sum pressure n put a smile on my face...

so to u...my "ilham"..thank u for giving me smth to smile abt...even though u dun even realize it..:)

Picture Post

2007-04-03T12:46:00.000+08:00

finally figured out how to do this...it was so simply i wanna smack myself for taking to so long to figure it out....neway...here goes...

jim and me during ap nite 07

juwita suwito's autograpgh

me with juwita suwito during YV07

the henna tattoo i got at YV07 carnival

d temp tattoo i got at curve flea market

hmmm....think thats all for now geh....will post up more when i got more time...:D

Past, Present and Future

2007-04-03T12:21:00.000+08:00

Past

Aiesec elections jst ended last weekend...i have to say that the elections were a very new experience for me...its not all d same kind of high school elections we all went through where by those were more like popularity contests....

Aiesec elections are separated into 2 parts...d 1st is the vote of confidence...which took d whole of saturday...basicly what happens is...in d morning,the candidates for the president post also known as lcp will gv their 15 minutes speeches...then they all sit in front n 1 hour is given to the floor to ask them questions...then all members who have voting rights will take the ballot and confidence each candidate separately...that is to say...for each candidate, each voter must either cross that they have confidence in d candidate or no confidence...they do not choose the leader...merely state if they have confidence in him/her doing the task...once that is done...the same process is repeated in d afternoon with the candidate for the executive board also known as EB giving their 10 minutes speeches...the rest is the same...

the second part...after all that is done...at nite...the lcp candidates who passed the vote of confidence will go through an interview session with the current lcp and eb..n they will decide who the new lcp is...n the next day all the eb candidates will go for the same interview...

i was one of the candidates for the eb post...n it was a great experience...after the first day all the eb candidates came to my place n we chilled...celebrated passing the vote of confidence..n prepared for our interviews the next day...i actually JUST passed the vote of confidence...needed 19/28 votes to pass n i got exactly 19...so looks like if i pass d interview i've got a lot to prove...d interview was ok...n we shall noe the results by the end of this week...

Present

the new linkin park single "what i've done" jst came out yesterday...n i admit i downloaded it...only because u cant buy singles in malaysia...cz if i cud i wud have...n suffice to say...the 4 year wait for this new album was definitely worth it...every album the band comes out with is so different in style n type of music n content if compared to their previous works...but at d same time u can hear that it is distinctly linkin park...i cant wait for the new album "minutes to midnight" to be launched nxt month...n i'll be goin to klcc tmr to c chester bennington as he'll be here to promote the album n start the pre-sales...m very excited...:D

Future

my finals are coming soon...jst 2 weeks n 2days away now...m happy that my 5 papers are kind of spaced out jst nicely...not too much time in between papers...but jst enough to take a breather n prepare for the nxt...

I Got Tagged

2007-03-30T12:05:00.000+08:00

Layer One:On The Outside
Name : Anand Dave Singh Pannu
Birth Date : 8th June 1984
Current status : Single and loving it!!
Eye Colour : medium brown
Hair Colour : dark brown...when i actually have hair that is...
Righty or Lefty : righty

Layer Two :On The Inside
Your Heritage : pure punjabi....no mix blood anywhere along the line...
Your Fears : that i'll disappoint my family
Your Weakness : kinda temperemental...no idea if its d ocrrect spelling or not
Your Perfect Pizza : turkey,ham,chunks of chicken and pineapple...lots of cheese..*droooool*

Layer Three :Yesterday, Today , Tomorrow
Your Thoughts First Waking Up : do i really have to get up??
Your Bedtime : this varies on a day to day basis...can be as early as 10pm...or as late as 5am...
Your Most Missed Memory : friends

Layer Four : Your Pick
Pepsi or Coke : coke all d way
McDonald's or Burger King : McD's
Single or Group Dates : Single
Adidas or Nike : Adidas
Tea or Nestea : tea...punjabi spice tea to be specific
Chocolate or Vanilla : I'm a chocolate junkie...
Cappucino or Coffee : Neither...unless im having a really terrible hangover...then coffee it is..

Layer Five : Do You..
Smoke : depends
Curse : i blame it on faulty wiring in my brain...
Take a shower : Everyday
Have a crush : Nope....
Think you've been in love : Once...and it was beautiful...:)
Go to school : last time got la....now uni adi ler
Want to get married : Yep
Believe in yourself : more often than not
Think you're a health freak : Have u seen my size???im d total opposite of a health freak man

Layer Six : In The Past Month
Drank alcohol : im punjabi....this question is redundant....lol
Gone to the mall : Well...i gotta get my groceries from sumwhere rite?
Been on stage : nope
Eaten sushi : international food fair....so thats a yes
Dyed your hair : no hair to dye oso lah

Layer Seven : Have You Ever..
Played A Stripping Game : yes
Changed Who You Were To Fit In : when i was young and naive

Layer Eight : Age You're Hoping
To Be Married : someday

Layer Nine : In a Girl/Guy
Best Eye Colour : bright green
Best Hair Colour : Brownish
Short Hair or Long Hair : does it matter??ill b lost in her eyes...

Layer Ten : What Were You Doing
1 Min Ago : filling out this survey...yes i noe i type damn slow lah...
1 Hour Ago : driving home from class
4.5 Hours Ago : deciding if i shud jst let the alarm keep ringing n skip class or actually wake up n go to class...clearly i chose the latter
1 Month Ago : preparing for window to the world project
1 Year Ago: cant remember that far back lah

Layer Eleven : Finish The Sentence
I Love : beaches
I Feel : lost
I Hate : annoying ppl who think they arent annoying
I Hide : when i can actually find a place big enough for me to hide in...lol
I Miss : aaron and d times we spent together...
I Need : ideas for my speech tmr

Layer Twelve : Tag Five People
I don't know who reads this blog because no one really leaves comment. So these are the few that I know reads my blog.. minus those who have done this.
1) Aaron SINGH
2) Michelle Soong
3) Cecelia
4) Jillian Chong
5) Chung Ee Lin

A Blur

2007-03-28T09:25:00.000+08:00

as the title says...the past week has been kind of a blur...had 2 tests on monday...n from last thurs-sat had young visionaries project kick-start...so i guess ill start wv YV...

so there was a carnival on thurs and friday...everything went well...not as many people as we would have hoped...but all in all it was good...there was a stall doing henna tattoos...n me being the git i am...i actually went n got one....will post up a pic as soon as i figure out how to do it....hehe...then came the charity concert on saturday nite...charity cz YV is a community based project and all proceeds go to the 2 orphanages adopted by aiesec UM...the concert in itself was great....had sum really cool underground bands....but the highlight of d night was juwita suwito...n she definitely was a highlight...the minute she started singing...i got goosebumps all over...her voice was beautiful....really amazing....n even in person...she is so down to earth n nice...even managed to get an autograph from her n a pic wv her...:D

now d probs...i was in d technical room as a volunteer...the only person from d organizing committee(OC) that was there was thini...n im very sorry to say this...but she had no idea wut she was doing...n if its not bad enough that she kept disappearing during rehearsals,she thought it would b fine to act like d boss of d place on d actual night itself...she failed to line up the songs in the correct order and get them ready for the opening ceremony....and if that isnt bad enough...while mich,jim n me r trying to fix d prob...not only is she not helping...she keeps getting in the way....seriously...i was damn pissed at that point....it didnt help that one of d computers was running on windows vista which moves slower than a snail and cant multitask to save its life....honestly....geez....

oh did i mention that shamser sidhu was there as 1 of the MCs?yeah...he was...n guess wut...HE IS A FREAKING IDIOT!!!so damn full of himself...d bloody idiot left in the middle of one of the performances telling the other MC he had to go send his fren to klia...n he din bother to mention this to any of the OCs of the night....n on top of that he complained that "he doesnt do small crowds"....wut a f#@*ing retard man....

well...that was that then....went home...slept...woke up on sunday and in aarons own words "started smacking my head against my book hoping all the info will seep in through osmosis or smth"...haha...but overall the tests werent too bad...n now its exactly 3 weeks to my finals....n i've got elections this saturday...god help me...im gonna be so stretched all over again...:|

well...thats all for now folks...:)

A Wonderful Weekend

2007-03-20T08:55:00.000+08:00

i had a really great weekend...it started off with going to mv wv mich n von for sum shopping in preparation for our AP NITE...which is basicly kinda like an AIESEC oscar kinda thing...the theme for d nite was black glamour and gold glitter...so every one dresses up n looks their best....n my god...i must say...the girls there were absolutely stunningly beautiful....even the normal girl next door pretty ok looking ones were suddenly transformed into princesses and models...i kid u not...as for the guys....well...we're guys...wut do u expect us to do?most of us wore black suits for the occasion....with the exception of my dumb self...who went in a cream white suit...only cz i dun have any other suits....so i ended up sticking out like a sore thumb...fortunately though, cz i managed to pull the look off, i looked like a mafia boss and all those other black suits my underlings...muahahahaha(note to self: get a damn black suit!!!!!)

after d dinner ended we all made our way to maison and ivy at asian heritage row...it was a nice place to be able to chill out and unwind....less formal than the dinner...more casual kinda thing...the only part that sucked abt maison was the music which was house....so we then moved to ivy which thankfully was playing r&b...we were there till abt 3am...then went for "breakfast"
and then back home and jst crash..

all in all....it was a really nice nite...i had a great time...took pics with a lot of d hot girls there..cant wait for next years ap nite...:D

the next day...sunday that is...when mich,ruben and me finally got our asses out of bed and bathed and changed it was already past 2pm...we went to ss2 to find money and lunch...and then went to the curve...watched 300 again cz ruben hadnt watched it...then walked arnd in the flea market..got 1 of those temp tattoos they have there...cost me rm15...supposed to last 5-7days....mana tau...2 days later the whole thing gone adi....knnbccb.....then went to shoot hoops at echopark...went to ikea and looked arnd and finally to tesco to do grocery shopping...all in all it was really nice chill out kinda day....

both of the days coupled together made it a really wonderful weekend...i really enjoyed myself...n i thank everyone who made it possible...:D

The Longest Week

2007-03-14T17:46:00.000+08:00

since my last post to today i have had the longest week of my life....seriously....

my project window to the world(wttw) was last thurs till sat....d preperations started on tues...since then i practically live at the dewan tunku cansellor in UM...every day coming homin in the wee hours of the morning...jst having enough time to catch an hour or two of sleep then bath n bk to the hall...

but i have to admit...i had an amazing time...everyone that was there helped out in everything...regardless if it was work meant for their respective departments or not...everyone jst really started to click...n it was really enjoyable...its the 1st time i can find d words that would do it justice...ppl that were very quiet or reclusive suddenly started talking out loud...started mixing arnd...made alot of frens which i never thought i would have...

i wanna thank stanley...for all d effort he put into leading us...to lion who has become more than jst my director in these past few months...he has become a mentor...a friend...a confidant...sum1 i can speak freely to abt anything...to kit leong...a source of laughter in the weirdest times but always in the times it is needed the most...to wenyan n boonhui...ppl i wud have nvr usually approached...dun ask me y...but all of sudden...its so easy to talk to them...to jst chill out...to zhang xin...a quiet guy i met in handball that has shown there is SOOOOO much more under the surface...always ready to help n always wv a smile on his face...soo many to thank...thank u to everyone who helped make it a success n a possibility...:D

the whole thing sadly n finally ended on saturday nite...after which most ppl went bk to sleep their hearts out on sunday...

i unfortunately...had to study coz i had a test on monday....a test which i only started studying on sunday...the test wasnt too bad...but still cudnt relax on mon coz i had a test yest which i oso hadnt studied for....so i spent monday again studying...then sat for the test on tues...tanked it...completely gone...

then tues(yest) nite i followed stanley to klia to send off the japanese interns who came for our project...we took them for dinner...n then drove them to klia...got there jst in time...they were already announcing their names over the PA system...then we sat down n talked...jst abt everything....n then we only got bk arnd 2am...so finally everything is over...for now...lol...:D

The Line Went Dead

2007-03-06T18:44:00.000+08:00

what have i done to deserve this?
for it to be done to me by d one closest to me?

all of a sudden....
silence....
no phone calls....
no reply to smses....
no more chats on MSN....
no answers to my phone calls....

has he proven that not all bonds last forever?
has he abandoned all we have done together?
has he forgotten all we have gone through together?

m i jst sum1 he calls when he is in trouble?
m i jst sum1 who is there for d bad times?
m i jst sum1 to clean up d mess?

i need reassuarance....
as weak as it may make me seem....
i need to noe it was not all nothing....

they say its d ppl closest to us we tend to forget n lose....
is that wut it is?
have i gotten to close?
have i been forgotten?
have i been lost?

Better Than Me

2007-03-06T09:46:00.000+08:00

I think you can do much better than me
After all the lies that I made you believe
Guilt kicks in and I start to see
The edge of the bed
Where your nightgown used to be
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

While looking through your old box of notes
I found those pictures I took
That you were looking for
If there's one memory I don't want to lose
That time at the mall
You and me in the dressing room
I told myself I won't miss you
But I remembered
What it feels like beside you
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me

The bed I'm lying in is getting colder
Wish I never would've said it's over
And I can't pretend... I won't think about you when I'm older
Cause we never really had our closure
This can't be the end
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
I really miss your hair in my face
And the way your innocence tastes
And I think you should know this
You deserve much better than me
(And I think you should know this)
(You deserve much better than me)

this song is by hinder....its an amazing song wv such powerful lyrics....lyrics which really hit home wv me....this is to chung ee lin....im over u...bt ill always hold the memories with me...:)

Fall Out Boy & A "Date"

2007-03-05T16:39:00.000+08:00

went to singapore over the weekend...for 2 reasons....1 was the fall out boy concert...the other was a "date"...

so i went there on fri...n on fri nite...i went out wv d girl i mentioned in d earlier post...went for dinner...n a walk arnd clarke quay....suffice to say my nuts did not abandon me this time arnd...granted there were still sum moments of awkward silences here n there...but overall it was a pretty good effort on both sides id say....well...i enjoyed myself..n i think she did too...so i have redeemed myself...jst a lil bit...lol

d concert was absolutely amazing....worth d sg$75 i paid for it...worth d waiting in line...worth everything...one buck short n saw loser were the opening acts...it was mosh pit...d only downside was that there was this bunch of white guys who were absolute idiots....they kept jumping n pushing everyone arnd them aside during d opening acts...they got into minor fights with the ppl arnd them n after that sum how managed to advance their positions a lil further in front...they kept doing this thill they were rite behind me...n were shouting obsceneties at d opening acts directly in my ears....at that point my sis was abit afraid so we made our way out of d mosh pit...d place was kinda small so even being outside d mosh pit we still got a clear n amazing view of fall out boy when they came on stage...

fall out boy on stage...wut can i say....they absolutely great perfomers...they were full of energy...jumpin n running all over d place...their songs r of course really good...d best part was when pete wentz played his guitar n started spinning arnd on d spot...it was really cool...n they all had a line of guitar pics stuck to their mic stands...so they kept throwing d used pics to d fans n then used a new one n kept repeating d process...then...at d end...pete wentz decided it was safe to approach the fans...a few of d security crew carrying him...apparently that wasnt enough to stop d fans from ripping his tshirt off....yup...when he finally got bk on stage...he was topless....which is nth as bad as d drummer i suppose who cam on stage only wearing a pair of shorts...

so yeah...that pretty much sums up d fall out boy concert n d date....it was a really great n memorable trip...:D

My Nuts Went On A Holiday

2007-02-20T18:44:00.000+08:00

interesting topic no?well....dats pretty much wut happened to me...my balls decided to go on holiday...without giving me any notice wut so ever...n they decided to leave on this holiday when i needed them the most.....

if this isnt god going "JUST FOR THE FUN OF IT..."(in a very indian accent)...what is?

so basicly u shud already have figured out by now that to sum degree this is abt me n a girl...n me freezing up in front of her...in my defence...her parents were oso there...as were mine...dun get me wrong...its not like i've nvr spoken to her in my life...i have...quite abit..jst on msn n sms....not in real life...

n she is amazing....nice girl...very charming personality...witty...beautiful...hot...did i mention she has a great personality?well...u get d picture....so there is her...n then there is me...jst me...plain n simple...taking 1 day at a time...jst straight wacky me...jst sum how when she stood in front of me...blankness...gone...empty...very disappointed in myself right now...no idea what went wrong...though im guessing mayb i jst expected too much out of myself...n mayb there were too many ppl there jst trying too hard to push me in dat direction...that they(not her) expected more out of me...not to say she din expect more...im pretty sure she did...heck...i expected more out of me...n now im jst rambling again...dont u jst hate it when u go around rambling in circles n dun make any sense at all?damn...rambling again...

well...got another chance coming up...i think...hope i dont fuck it up again...no plan is d best plan i think u noe...jst go there...zero expectations...jst b myself...n c wut comes out of it...end of d day...i do wut i can...leave d rest up to d big man up there...he is supposed to have a plan for each one of us...SUPPOSED being the very big keyword here....im rambling again arent i?wish me luck...

(in case any of u are wondering....yes,i do realize dat she could very well b reading this...in which case...i can only pray for best...though if god is in one of his "jst for d fun of it" moods...which apparently he is....then im screwed neway...im screwed arent i?im rambling again arent i?)

Penang - A Food Festival

2007-02-17T00:09:00.000+08:00

so i went to penang for 3d2n...basicly coz varun was alone n invited us over...went wv mich n von...got there on wed...came bk today....n in d 3 days i was there...i ate a lot...n i mean ALOT....i think i spent close to rm50 jst on food in d 3 days...n u noe wuts d worst part?i spent all that money on food in hawker stalls....but wut can i do?d food was jst dat good...:)

we had this wicked nasi goreng at tanjung bungah....think its called gerai aman if im not wrong...n then also in d same area there is dis kopitiam wv sum really good char kuey tiaw...then there was new lane which had d best popiah i've ever eaten...n d char koay khar wasnt too bad as well...lets c...then there was d cendol place in sum dingy alleyway in town....n d mee goreng n pasembor in pulau tikus if im not wrong....we jst ate n ate n ate...

now ur thinking we're pigs rite?well...considering d new chinese year is the year of d pig...i guess u cud say we were ushering in d new year...lol....but of course...we did do sum other things...like of course buying dvds....pirated of course...but then again....we malaysians r poor n cant afford original stuff...not at the prices they put it anyway....then we chilled at d beach of a 5 star hotel...n we visited st xaviers institute....yes...im a lasallian through n through...n i cant help but to b attracted to my brother schools....:)

well...thats abt it...another day in ipoh....then its bk to kl n before i noe it,my hols will b over....oh yeah.....thank u soooooo much to both varun n rene who took us arnd n had us in their houses....it was really nice of u guys....n i for 1 had a truly amazing time wv u all....:)

Thai Song

2007-02-11T11:24:00.000+08:00

1 700ml bottle of thai song whiskey......rm16.50
2 700ml bottles of ivan vodka....rm44
6 bottles of mixers...rm19.50

getting jim drunk on his 21st bday when he swore he wouldnt....PRICELESS
getting everyone so stoned n drunk on cheap alcohol.....PRICELESS

ok....so what brought on this whole mess....simple...ruben...lol...yes im putting it all on him....although it was me that bought d alcohol...n me dat called the people...but it was him dat suggested thai song...cheap alcohol....

so jim turned 21...n his gf n her frens got a cake for him at our aiesec episode n surprised him n all...its amazing to c how much his gf does for him...but yeah...dats jst her...gave him a very sober surprise...a very sober 21st bday....

u do c d problem here rite?jim is like JIM...he's practically half indian already...n he got a very SOBER 21ST BDAY...

so we decided to change that n arranged a booze party at my place on his bday itself...n then ruben came along with his "we have to do thai song man....at least once!!!"....so i caved....n we had abt 7 of us drinking there...2.1litres of alc vanished in less than 3 hours....everyone either out or extremely stoned....at which point sue(jims gf) took jim home cz he had sum project d nxt morning...n taya oso went bk...n the rest of us jst did wut most drunkards do...talk...go mamak...talk...sleep....

n the nxt morning...thanks to our dear fren thai song...every1 was fucked...rene n I had tummy upsets....jims nose was bleeding apparently...michelle could still feel the thai song in her till last nite...nvr heard from taya...probably still out...lol....

so lesson learnt....NEVER EVER TAKE CHEAP ALCOHOL...=)
(unless u purposely wanna get completely n utterly wasted)

Of Reshmonu and F*%$ed Knees

2007-02-03T08:01:00.001+08:00

went for reshmonu album launch the other day...wut can i say....its reshmonu...premiere r&b/soul astist of malaysia...the show was really good...the music he sang...his energy....really really good...the company on the other hand...left much to be desired...or mayb i was jst tired...all of a sudden was feeling depressed...hommies werent there or were bz....no offence...i noe u guys have ur girls..n i respect that...dun think i dun wan ur girls arnd or nething like that yeah..i noe wut its like trying to juggle studies,frens n a gf all at once...n u guys r doing a real good job of it...my hats off to u guys...:)

went for my handball class yesterday....since i had a full day of xtra classes before that...i took my change in d morning...got to uni n realized i had forgotten to bring my bandage n my sports shoes....so had to wear normal shoes to play...1st n last time i do that...cudnt run or jump properly...n coz of dat...sumhow pulled a muscle at d back of my left knee...woke up today morning n i cud hardly move it without feeling pain...ended up not going for d meeting i was supposed to go for...sigh...lesson learnt....:/

Jason Ling

2007-01-30T19:27:00.000+08:00

jason ling is a fren of mine who sum how d both of us have slowly drifted apart...partially or mostly my fault...he tried to patch things up...n i tried...but sumhow...we nvr really managed to go bk to the way things were...now there's a song that keeps playing on d radio n d 1st thing that comes to mind when i hear it is him...

its "how to save a life" by the fray...the part that really hits home is this:

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

pretty much describes the situation when he first came to patch things up...i nvr told him...but d fact is...d fact dat he made d 1st move makes him already a better man than me...n im truly happy n grateful that he did it...at least we still talk sumtimes n can still hang out...n he is turning 22 in 2 days time...1/2...Happy Birthday man...:)

My Life the Soap Opera

2007-01-30T19:19:00.000+08:00

disclaimer:to the ppl who r involved in the things im abt to write abt...im not complaining...my phone n heart is always open to u ppl...:D

rite...jst realized that my life is quite similar to a soap opera...mayb its coz of d way i view my frens n d way dat if they come to me wv their problems, i feel that their problem is my problem...like if ur arm hurts,ur head or legs cant exactly ignore...u noe...

so first i had to help out 2 of my frens who kinda screwed each other up...though its more a twist of fate rather than nething else...but yeah...1 broke the others heart...the other retaliated by breaking the firsts family...so to speak...n there i am...trying my best to help them mend things n move on...time is d key...slowly n steadily...everything cleared up...

n jst as that was clearing...another fren comes to wv an unexpected twist of things that happened to her n she doesnt noe how to deal with things...so enter me trying to help her oso...

as i look bk...dats seems to be how my life has always been...1 frens crisis after another...n when my frens dun have any crisis,its me that has a crisis...perpetual soap opera...can almost hear the theme to bold and the beautiful or general hospital in the background now....lol...

To My Angels

2007-01-28T04:41:00.000+08:00

this post is a special dedication to all my angels who r always watching over me...

1stly of course....though i doubt they read my blog...my mum n dad...who have been behind me no matter wut i do in my life...even when i went way off the correct road...they walked down the bad road jst to pull me bk to the right side of life...without them,i'd b sum junkie in sum gutter if i were even still alive to begin with....so to them...i owe them everything i can gv them...i love u mum n dad...i may not say it as often as i used to...but it only deepens with each day...

to my brother...whom i nvr got along with until i came bk from switzerland...to a person whom i used to fight with n despise every day i lived...but now i look up to him...i c now that in his own way...he has been guiding me through my life all the time...he has thought me so much abt life...so much that i can nvr truly put into words...my only hope is that 1 day i can at least b half the man that he is now...if i can evr even reach that...i noe that ill b ok....so if ur reading this kiran...i love u...no matter wut has happened in the past,u hv always been there for me n i noe that u always will b there for me....thank u doesnt even come close to the gratitude i feel towards u but thats all i can offer...

to my sis....my sis who has molded me into who i am...who thought me how a woman feels n thinks...n who has been there backing me up in the worst of times...my sis who has ever given me advice on everything i needed...who has stayed up listening to all my pathetic tales...always there as a shoulder to cry on..i noe ur going off soon...but no matter wut...i noe ur always 1 call away...n in the same way...ill always b 1 call away if u need a shoulder...

aaron singh...my brother...in every aspect of the word except for the blood that runs through our veins...the only person alive who truly noes me through n through....the only person who has walked through the very fires of hell with me n has stood by me no matter wut...there r no words i can put down that cud justify everything we have gone through...but u noe deep down in ur heart n in mine...where we both stand with each other

ferdy and michelle....though we dun speak as much anymore...u2 have always been there silently supporting me even if u2 have no idea wut my reasons are...always there in the background urging me on...keeping me true to my ideals n principles...reminding me at times who i really m...n even though at times,mich,u push the limits of my patience n loyalty...u always noe jst when to stop pushing n standing ur ground...im eternally gratefull to both of u..

ruben,jim n varun....how do i even begin to describe the 3 of u...u3 have kept me from falling into the darkness n into insanity time n again...my hommies...my brothers...my pillars...i thank u for being there when i needed u...n even though u guys have nvr actually walked wv me through the fires of hell as aaron has...i noe in my heart that if ever the time came when i need u guys to walk through it wv me,i noe that u will walk wv me no questions asked...its a comfort n a blessing...

to lester n rakawi...my frens from kuching...my true frens...no matter how much time n distance seperates us...every time we meet...nth has changed...when im down..u guys always find a way to cheer me up...u helped me stay on the right path at a time that i cud hv walked bk down the wrong road at any time...always knew the real me...no matter wut the world said...i will nvr forget u guys...

last but not least...jill,pinkie,yeehui n eelin...my frens who have seen me through so much...whom have always encouraged me n kept me going...im truly blessed to have had u guys in my life..

these are the angels that r behind me no matter what i do or where i go...im eternally grateful to all of u all...i truly love n cherish every 1 of u all...thank u so much for being there for me..u all r truly the angels god has sent down to protect n watch over me...

Off Loyalties, Trust and True Friends

2007-01-23T22:06:00.000+08:00

Funny how my blog is again starting with a dark kinda post...my plast blog,located at http://idiot-jackass.blogs.friendster.com/this_is_for_me/ , also started with a dark post...ah well...i guess im jst dark...in more ways then one...considering im an indian...:D (yes goddamnit...im indian,black n damn well proud abt it!)

well...the move came as an unexpected surprise for...wanted to post a comment on a frens blog...ended up having to register wv blogspot...n rite at dat time sum ppl i did not want to have nething to do wv decided to post a comment on my blog which i cudnt remove...which would b the flaw of friendster blogs...

rite then...im gonna make it very clear rite here in my first post at blogspot...im kinda a loner...i have very few frens....but those that i have r loyal to me as i m to them...i would die for them n i noe they would do the same for me...i trust them wv everything n they me with everything...these are my true friends....my entended family...those i have chosen myself in my life...those that have n will walk through the very fires of hell with me when i go there at the end of the day to rule it....

as for other friends...i have a few...n im a very trusting person...but unfortunately...my trust wv normal frens is limited to one chance...if u ever betray my trust...ever...i will have nth to do wv u nemore...its very simple...i take enough shit from society on a day to day basis...if i cant trust d ppl arnd me...then im fucked...so if u betray me...i'd rather not have u arnd...n i dun care how much u think its unfair or that im being mean or wut evet d hell....its my life that hangs in d balance....its my choice....

so...jst in case that person particular person...u noe who u are...in case u have no shame n r still reading...remember this....i wan nth to do wv u...d deepest darkest corners of hell r reserved for traitors n mutineers...n if u keep bugging me...remember that at the end of the day,age,world...I will be the one who will b ruling hell wv my band of brothers....n i assure u i well trully make it sheer hell for u if u do not leave me alone....